I think many of us would agree that good customer service is hard to find in jolly London town, and even rarer is quality service. So yeah, sometimes I might look the other way if a business doesn’t have the squeakiest clean image, so long as I’m satisfied, because I’m not an uptight asshole. So you could only imagine how happy I was to finally find a barber who, while a little eccentric, didn’t leave my hair looking worse than when I entered the (immaculately clean) shop.
However, the same week I began seeing him, it came out that my new pal Sweeney Todd had been dubbed the “Demon Barber of Fleet Street” due to the fact that he methodically killed almost a dozen people. But frankly, I don’t give a shit because this is the best haircut I’ve ever had.
We’re allowed to reach our own conclusions, and last time I checked, personal experiences are subjective. So you can review bomb the barbershop all you want, I have never been less than blown away by his talent. And if he kills a few people here and there, call it collateral damage. Have you seen the way customers treat people in the personal care industry lately? Maybe if his other clients tipped as well as I did, they’d still have all their blood.
Everyone loves to talk about seeing grifters and corrupt judges getting their comeuppance, and then someone comes along and turns theory into practice, and everyone loses their minds because he doesn’t look like Luigi Mangioni. I mean, look at this perfect fade! Even the crazy old hag picking bones and rotten spuds out of trash cans across the street told me I looked handsome.
And for the record, I’ve also heard the rumors about Mrs. Lovett’s meat pies beneath Todd’s shop, and no, I haven’t eaten them, but damn do they smell good. Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t also be murdering and grinding up corpses if you had a goth baddie working below you. Speaking of which, she hasn’t been seen lately. I hope they didn’t break up.
Judge me all you want, but if I stopped seeing him, where would I go? Great Clips? Now that’s sick. Seriously, go see Sweeney Todd and tell him I sent you. He’ll get you right, and he’ll even sing for you. But maybe skip on paying extra for the shave.
