Alright, this is absolutely ridiculous. I am a long-time customer in good standing, and I just completed my weekly shopping without bothering any of the other patrons or employees. You undoubtedly look like a busy manager, so why are you wasting time telling me what I can and cannot do? I’m well aware of the code of conduct inside this particular store location, so go ahead. Show me the rule that says I can’t take a rotisserie chicken, that I’ve already paid for, into the Piggly Wiggly men’s room.
That’s right, you can’t. It would be another story altogether if I had just snatched up said rotisserie chicken from the deli and waltzed into the bathroom with it in tow, but that’s clearly something I would never do. I’m not an animal. I’ve shown you the receipt. That chicken is bought and paid for, along with this bag of Golden Sriracha Doritos and 30-pack of Busch Lite.
Both of which, for your information, I’d also like to take to the toilet with me.
What exactly is the issue here, anyway? If you think I’ll make a mess, I assure you I’ll toss the chicken’s defleshed carcass and any empty cans into the trash when I’m finished with my dinner and bowel movement. I don’t plan on drinking any more than three or four of them, anyway. As we’ve established, I’m not an animal. I’ll also eat the Doritos directly over the toilet to make sure I don’t get crumbs everywhere. The last thing I want to do is create more work for your custodial staff.
Look, if you still don’t want me consuming merchandise that has already been legitimately exchanged into my possession here, I’ll go elsewhere. I see nothing to be gained from relitigating my case to you, but if truth be told, I’m beginning to consider taking my business to the Walmart down the street going forward. I heard they couldn’t care less who concurrently eats and shits inside their establishment.
Are we done here? My chicken is starting to get cold, and it looks like the Sunoco next door is my closest option. Hopefully, they won’t give me the same trouble.
