COLTS NECK, N.J. — Music legend Bruce Springsteen released a statement to clarify that his intentions in the song “I’m On Fire” were misogynistic in nature and not sexually depraved, sources confirmed.
“With all these guys who like to diddle little girls apparently running our society, I couldn’t just stand idly by as the king of New Jersey,” said The Boss himself. “Let me make myself crystal clear: I am not sexually attracted to minors and I would never write something so disgusting and vile as a song about lusting after a little girl. Yes, I did say ‘Hey little girl is your daddy home,’ but get your filthy minds out of the gutter! I meant, ‘Hey lady, is your boyfriend around?’ You gotta understand that I simply don’t respect females as my equals. Come on!”
Sarah Bell, a PR representative from Springsteen’s team, shared some additional insight on the statement.
“It just became more and more apparent that a clarification was needed given the sheer amount of pedophiles,” said Bell. “It’s completely understandable that someone would misunderstand that line and think that he was talking about little girls when he said little girls. But we have strong values here and we as well as Bruce would like to distance ourselves from evil people as much as possible. And may I add that we really would like the focus to be more on the not being a pedophile part than the hating women part.”
A professor of Gender Studies at Stanford University shared a unique professional perspective on the issue.
“You can’t really say that the ‘little girl’ lyric is misogynistic in nature versus pedophilic in nature, because misogyny is itself largely rooted in the pedophilia,” said Jamie Ashcroft. “You see it in the way that beauty standards emphasize the importance of smallness and weakness and how people call women ‘girls’ but men get ‘guys’ instead of ‘boys.’ The reason these pedophilic ideals have been normalized is precisely because of the ruling class’s depravity. It’s not a fluke. But I don’t really expect a talking baseball glove from Jersey to understand these nuances, so I think we should give him the benefit of the doubt.”
At press time, Springsteen also wanted to add that the song doesn’t mean he’s literally on fire.
