Few bands had a hit in the eighties that resonated with so broad an audience as J. Geils Band did with their catchy 1981 tune “Centerfold”. Its toe-tapping melody and earworm chorus appealed to followers of the then-burgeoning nu-wave movement while retaining just enough of the watered-down, 1970s blues-rock the band was rooted in to keep the Baby Boomers nodding their heads. Well, I may have found the inspiration for the next iteration of this classic, because I think I just noticed my high school crush in this footjob cumpilation!
Seriously, I just opened up XHamster for my evening wank and stumbled across a video containing who I believe to be Kaitlin Steinfeller, who I was obsessed with throughout all of 10th grade. She sat right in front of me in both homeroom and Algebra II and probably didn’t even know I existed, because she was a super popular cheerleader and I wasn’t interested in much besides, well, jacking off. I suppose not much has changed. Anyway, I’m thinking I should write a popular song about this.
Is that really her around the seven-minute mark? Right after the lady in the pigtails, but just before the collection of stocking-clad actresses that closes out the video. The only thing throwing me off is that her feet are manipulating a man who appears to be uncircumcised, and I’m pretty sure Kaitlin is still a hostess at the Olive Garden in Lansing. I don’t think she moved to Europe. Oh well, maybe this guy is a German expat, or his parents are religious freaks or something. It doesn’t matter, because I’m like 80% certain that’s her.
Is this how artistic inspiration works? I feel just like J. Geils. All I need is some musical talent and a video with dancing babes in a classroom, and I’ll be set for life. I think I still have an old electric guitar that I never bothered to unpack when I moved into this place three years ago. I could be a star! This is my ticket to fame, fortune, and as much sex as I can handle! All I need to do is grab that guitar and—
Never mind, I just came. I’m suddenly not the slightest bit interested in any of this. Time to clear my history, close my laptop, and boot my Xbox back up. What were we talking about again?
