OK, first off, why are we being tasked with interviewing the frontman for The Steve Miller Band? We’re a punk news website, and we’re only dimly aware of songs like “Fly Like an Eagle” and “Take the Money and Run” from the classic rock station our dads would play in the car while we were growing up. This hardly seems like it should be a high priority for The Hard Times, but whatever. It’s not our job to question the assignments our editors give us.
Anyway, we probably should’ve known something was off when our intern Barry told us the interview was being held in the West Wing of the White House. We just assumed Steve Miller had gone into politics after retiring from rock’n roll. Fuck man, we don’t know. It’s not like we’ve kept tabs on the guy. Well, this is a completely different person, and it turns out he’s a ghoulish, hateful pile of dogshit. We promise to do more research next time.
The Hard Times: It’s great to meet you, Steve. You’re truly a legend!
Stephen Miller: I actually go by Stephen.
HT: Oh, okay. Sorry. So…what are you doing in the White House?
SM: I’m here making sure the pure, Western identity shared by all Americans is not corrupted by refugees from third-world countries.
HT: I’m sorry, what?
SM: It’s common sense. Why should we expect these people to improve our country in any way if they couldn’t do the same for their countries?
HT: Oh shit, oh shit, you’re not the Steve Miller who sang “The Joker”?
SM: No. The sound of screaming migrant children being torn from their mothers is the closest thing to music that I enjoy.
HT: Okay, fuck you. Go eat shit and walk into traffic, you worthless fuck.
We then proceeded to hightail it the fuck out of that building, having to take a slight detour in the process because that tacky-ass ballroom got us lost. While we should have acted in good conscience and admitted fault while reviewing this with our editors, we definitely just pinned all the blame on Barry. It wasn’t our proudest moment by any stretch, but at least we still have our jobs. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to make sure nobody else in Trump’s administration shares a name with any prominent musicians.
