Gary Bonatti owns the mid-sized rock club “The Angry Mule”, and his biggest problem wasn’t low turnouts or drunk audience members. It was constantly seeing tragedy strike when 30 to 45-year-olds would “eat shit in the most depressing ways imaginable” after attempting to crowdsurf or jump off the stage.
“I saw too many millennials and Gen-Xers whose diets have consisted of exclusively eating Taco Bell after 11:30 PM think they can crowdsurf like they’re still the only teenager at the show,” Bonatti stated.
After witnessing a 38-year-old woman jump on stage to take a selfie with the singer and subsequently trip on a monitor and smash into the barricade, Gary realized he had a responsibility. He became the change he wanted to see in the music industry by taking an extra 5% from each act’s merch revenue and using it to develop a wristband system similar to the one used to stop 18-year-olds from buying a $20 beer. All concertgoers under 30 receive a band so everyone knows who is young enough to responsibly human catapult onto someone’s shoulders.
Staff received extra training to screen patrons who look older than their IDs when an influx of counterfeit licenses with birthdays after 9/11 started appearing following the system’s implementation. “Bouncers unsure of an ID’s legitimacy will ask the ticket holder about the best Title Fight set they saw. Any answer other than ‘I never saw them’ doesn’t get a wristband,” Bonatti explained.
While the system is effective, it isn’t perfect. Last week, a bouncer accidentally gave a wristband to a 37-year-old wearing a Turnstile shirt. “It was like the opposite of a 17-year-old with full facial hair,” club bouncer Ivan Landers explained. “The average person wouldn’t think someone that old would look like that”.
“At the end of the day, we can only do so much, and our audiences can do their part to help stop someone who can’t run a mile anymore from running across the stage,” Bonatti told us. “Don’t assume somebody is young enough to crowdsurf because they’ve been filming the show on a 3DS or you watched them ask ChatGPT what to say to a Hinge match during the opening band. Ask if they want help finding a seat on the balcony instead. Most of the time, they’ll realize they want to sit and accept.”
