SEATTLE — Punk band Hot Ghost Bingo Host, who has achieved success with their recent debut album “Optional Requirements,” is being accused of selling out, even though they only just started making a living with the music they’ve always wanted to make, confirmed sources.
“It’s pretty disappointing,” cites former fan Mike LeGarrette. “I’ve known these guys for years. I was in the audience for the first time they played El Corazón and it blew me away. But now that more than a few thousand people have heard of them and they’re actually getting paid for their art? I just don’t think I can listen to them anymore. It’s difficult to enjoy a band when you know they have savings accounts. Fucking hate watching musicians financially succeed like this.”
The band’s frontman Mars Claxton was not cool with the recent accusations being thrown at them.
“Look, first of all, I don’t consider earning 17 bucks from Spotify ‘selling out,’” began Claxton. “Secondly, this debut album is the music we’ve always wanted to make. Six of the tracks on the album were songs we played at our very first concert. We haven’t done any branded partnerships or sold any songs to ads, we still make our own merch, and we drive ourselves to each gig. We don’t go on vacation, but we can almost pay rent now. I don’t know what the fuck anyone is talking about.”
Pitchfork critic Sönder Moonbeam-WestHooven was growing tired of these shameless money-grubbing stooges.
“I know their debut album came out only a month ago, and that I personally gave it an 8.3 when it did, but I’m now changing it to a 1.5. This is based on a metric that’s in tandem with my ever-fluctuating judgment of moral purity,” said Moonbeam-WestHooven. “It’s not enough for me to simply enjoy a band’s music, I also have to be able to easily envision them personally leading the revolution that brings society into an idyllic utopia while they sleep on the floor. Now that they’re no longer one missed meal away from panhandling I just can’t see their music as anything other than the jockeying for the corporate elite I retroactively always knew it was.”
At press time, Hot Ghost Bingo Host came around to their fans’ point of view and hope they will be able to rid themselves of their financial bloodlust and return to the abject poverty where they once came.
