ARLINGTON, Va. — PBS surprised viewers that a new documentary from acclaimed documentarian Ken Burns titled “History of Grindcore” clocked in at exactly 12 seconds, producers have confirmed.
“As much as I am in love with the rich tapestry of American history, I thought it might be fun to get out of my comfort zone and cover a subject I knew next to nothing about. My nephew suggested I listen to Napalm Death and it was clear the world needed to learn about the terrifying world of grindcore. And after six months and hundreds of hours of interviews and archival footage, I managed to put together 12 seconds of salvageable material due to our equipment getting damaged in the mosh pits,” said Burns. “I know some viewers will be disappointed about the runtime but much like the music, they’ll get the gist of the entire scene within the first four seconds.”
Grindcore fans were happy to see the genre potentially expand to a wider audience.
“I didn’t think Burns could pull it off because he’s kind of a poser and made two movies about sports but it’s a true love letter to the genre. I’ve said time and time again that more people need to know that Anal Cunt is just as influential as the Beatles and this documentary nailed it, despite it dragging around the middle,” said Trevor Hendrickson. “I think the only improvement I’d have made is if he titled it something cooler like “Foreskins for Dinner” or something. Other than that, I’d recommend it to anyone willing to put in the time to watch it.”
PBS, who funded the documentary, said it was part of a strategy to reach a broader audience.
“Since funding is running dry, we thought it would be prudent to elicit some new viewers by diving into subjects outside of Americana and nature. Even though I’m a bit perturbed Ken blew $200,000 to make a documentary shorter than a pledge drive phone call, it’s a huge hit with punks and people with extremely short attention spans,” said programming director Michael Nesbit. “We’ve already greenlit new projects covering the drink ticket black market in rural Kansas’ punk scene, as well as the world of Autozone metalheads. Somebody has to fill the void left by Vice, it might as well be the people who brought you Antiques Roadshow.”
Burns later revealed he found enough leftover footage for a six second documentary about Bolt Thrower crew necks.
