MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — The success rate at escape room 7th Avenue Escapes increased to 100% after an Aerosmith playlist was added to its background music, distressed sources report.
“We made a new ‘Escape the 90s’ themed room because that type of nostalgia is all the rage now,” said owner Fernando Cruz. “We adorned the walls with ‘Home Alone’ and ‘Jurassic Park’ posters and incorporated Game Boys and Gak into the clues. It was pretty neat, but I think we missed the mark with the custom Aerosmith playlist, with songs like ‘Crazy’ and that one from ‘Armageddon.’ I should have known something was awry when the players started frantically escaping in a fraction of a time than they previously had, and they had the most sickened and horrified looks on their faces.”
Player Dawn Irvin gave her feedback on the experience shortly after shattering the previously held record.
“What sick fuck put that thing together?” Irvin gasped as she caught her breath. “At first I thought the room was kind of clever. We had to decipher clues to find the correct game cartridge, which then gave us riddles we had to solve after we put it in the Super Nintendo. However, it became evident that the themed music playing the entire time was only going to be Aerosmith. As soon as I figured that out, I had to get out of there as quickly as possible. I’m so happy to have escaped that hell. Had I been in there for another minute, I probably would have vomited all over the place and gotten hit with the cleanup cost.”
Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler didn’t seem to understand the issue with his music’s inclusion in the escape room.
“There’s nothing wrong with adding a little rock ‘n roll to an escape room,” Tyler noted. “The world always needs more Aerosmith in its amusement offerings, especially since our Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster at Disney’s Hollywood Studios will be revamped to be Muppets themed next year. I always felt like people don’t hear our songs nearly enough on the radio or in movie soundtracks, so the larger presence we have in things like this, the better. I’m hoping to see our music included in more escape rooms going forward.”
At press time, Cruz was forced to remove the music after a safety regulator threatened to shutter 7th Avenue Escapes for placing a hazardous and unnecessary strain on customers.