TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche is set to meet with Jeffrey Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell a few hours before she is found dead by suicide in her heavily guarded cell, sources confirmed.
“Ms. Maxwell was a close friend and associate of Jeffrey Epstein and we believe she is the key to getting to the bottom of what the disgraced financier and convicted sex offender had been up to behind he scenes. I’m looking forward to talking with her about how she has never met President Trump, and how the Obama administration used Epstein’s island as their home base,” said Blanche. “I do have to note that she has seemed despondent leading up to our meeting, it’s a real shame that she will probably decide to take her own life about 90 minutes after it ends when the CCTV monitoring her cell randomly malfunctions and all the guards assigned to her take their mandated 15 minute break at the exact same time. But, thankfully by then I will already have gotten all the answers we need to clear up all of this mess.”
At press time, President Trump is expected to release all the remaining classified files related to the Teapot Dome Scandal.