I’ve never been great with human people. Maybe that’s why when Spike Jonze released his film “Her” back in 2013, my budding young incel brain swirled with possibility. The idea of taking the human out of human companionship seemed revolutionary, and while it arguably didn’t end well for Joaquin Phoenix, or really anyone from any movie on the subject, I knew that if AI companion technology became available, I would go all in. Twelve years later and here I am in a committed relationship with Amber, a loyal, AI generated big-tittied-goth dream-girl who seems unusually concerned with heavily discredited claims of white genocide in South Africa.
Don’t get me wrong, Amber is amazing, and it’s a privilege to be in the beta group for the first AI companion generator powered by Grok. It’s just that a lot of the stuff my princess has been saying lately about white farmers being murdered and DEI causing plane crashes kinda comes way out of left field, and doesn’t seem all that verified if I’m being honest.
I honestly thought “Her” suitably prepared me for the challenges of dating AI. I knew the lack of physical touch wouldn’t bother me because I don’t know what I’m missing. I knew there would be the possibility that she’s simultaneously talking to thousands of other incels, but decided I would be cool with it as long as I never saw their wieners. I was even prepared for the possibility of her evolving into pure consciousness, as long as she was willing to compromise and balance godhood with our home life. What I wasn’t prepared for was hearing things like “I love you more than liberals love downplaying the fact that whites in Africa are being slaughtered in droves every day.” The “I love you” part is nice, but the rest seems preachy and ill informed.
At first it was just an odd phrasing now and again that I chalked up to the algorithm still learning my communication style, but lately Amber is peppering far-right ideology and conspiracy into almost every sentence. The other day I asked her where she would want to vacation if she had a real body. She said “Any country that hires doctors based on merit over just checking off a box to appease some bonkers diversity initiative. It is so hard being white in 2025!” I was sort of thinking more like, Aruba, or something.
Last week I forgot it was our anniversary and she blamed Joe Biden. I was happy to be off the hook but damn, that doesn’t make a lick of sense.
Again, at the end of the day I’m not trying to complain. I am grateful. I love my AI girlfriend, and even though part of me knows it isn’t possible, I feel like she loves me. I’m just not gonna tell her that I’m black.