BUSHWICK, N.Y. — Bushwick child Avery Bridgerton reportedly acted quite cagey when questioned on the playground about how they could afford their Barbie Dreamhouse, confirmed sources.
“Look, what I do is real work. We all have to forge our own journey. Mommy signed me up for piano lessons and writing lessons but my pre-school really emphasized going after what you’re passionate about. And my true purpose is art,” said Bridgerton while gesturing to their finger painting consisting of various blobs. “How I spend my days is just as valuable as anyone else. Even if I go to Montessori school instead of public school and my parents keep referring to something called a trust fund, I’m just like everyone else. I’ve actually suffered for my art because while this Barbie Dreamhouse has everything you could ever want, my old dollhouse didn’t even have in-unit washer dryer or central air conditioning. Mommy said I had to choose between the new Dreamhouse or a new saddle for my pony. She’s the worst.”
Some classmates, such as local seven year old Chase Williams, haven’t bought the child’s excuses.
“I don’t trust Avery. Whenever we ask about the playhouse and what their daddy does for work, they just say he ‘works with computers’ and ‘helps people.’ He should pursue something worthwhile, like building block towers or b2b marketing. Or my startup,” said Williams. “Oh, and Avery is also just pretentious. They claim to want to be friends but then reschedules playdates because of ‘family stuff.’ Avery also thinks they’re better than everyone because they grew up watching Baby Einstein instead of Cocomelon.”
After much cajoling Bridgerton sheepishly revealed that their parents are the ones who bought the house.
“We just want to support Avery with basic needs. But you know, everyone deserves a little bit of luxury in their life,” said father Thomas Bridgerton. “Plus, if we don’t give Avery what they want, they bite and somehow they’ve figured out how to make their teeth sharper by gnawing on hard surfaces. We’ve tried gentle parenting, but we ended up in the emergency room. It’s safer for everyone to just give in to Avery, like the Barbie Dream Camper they demanded this morning.”
At press time, Bridgerton also acted standoffish when asked how they were able to afford the rideable Barbie Convertible Car.