WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Polyamorous woman Leanne Farina is experiencing the struggle of finding a different group chat in which to bitch about each of her romantic partners, local reports confirmed.
“People always think being poly must be so hard. It’s really not much different than managing emotions in a monogamous relationship, where jealousy, triggers, and whose turn it is to wash the dishes are also something you have to navigate,” said Farina while doomscrolling her contacts list on her phone. “What is a struggle is not annoying the shit out of my friends every time one of my partners does something asinine. That’s truly the hardest part about the whole deal. You can’t overload one group chat with too much relationship talk. You’ve got to spread it out to avoid friendship fatigue.”
Matthew Fleming, friend of a poly person, shared what it’s like being in a group chat that fields complaints about multiple partners.
“It’s a real issue in the ‘friend of poly person’ community,” said Fleming. “It does get annoying and overwhelming, but, at the same time, I try to be sympathetic. We all deserve to complain about our boyfriends. I mean, what are you supposed to do? Not text people when he says he’s never heard of Steve Urkel? With whom are you to discuss what he could possibly have been doing with every ‘Did I do that?’ reference he’s encountered? So, as an ally, sometimes I pick up extra shifts and I’ll field complaints about Chris even though I’m a designated Nathan venter.”
Sandra Woods, an expert on Poly Sociology, spoke about how this issue arose and its wider implications.
“The research in this field continues to show that a struggle exists because while human romantic relationships have continued to evolve, group chats have stayed largely the same,” said Woods. “There are only group chat advancements every five years or so. The last, of course, being the Horny Chain Texts that go out on holidays and other special occasions. In order for a text-based support system to fulfill a person’s needs, there needs to be an evolution in the way group chats either operate or form. As it stands, you would need to be on bitching terms with 10-20 people just to satisfy group chat etiquette for five partners.”
As this issue continues to develop, reports say there is opportunity opening up for side gigs fielding relationship complaints as a poly person’s friend.