WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance can barely conceal his excitement at the prospect of getting “Two whole Christmases!” this year in light of the recent explosive rift between Donald Trump and Elon Musk, sources claim.
“Look, I understand the severity of the situation, and nobody wants Daddy and Daddy to stop fighting more than me, but if they do get divorced, that means I get a whole Christmas at the Mara Lago, and a whole Christmas at Elon’s house!” beamed the vice president to a crisis counselor called in to check on him. “And the best part is I heard that when grown-ups get divorced, they give even better Christmas presents than before! I might get a national abortion ban and a Switch 2! I mean, actually I get three Christmases if you count mean Auntie Melania’s White House party but ugh, so boring!”
While Trump’s inner circle reacts to the split in a multitude of ways, the DNC wasted no time capitalizing on the rift, trolling Trump with a free child pornography truck parked outside GOP headquarters.