MILWAUKEE — Legendary folk-punk group Violent Femmes announced Thursday that the band has finally bought a bass drum after 44 years of using just a snare and, occasionally, a 22” Weber Kettle Grill, excited sources reported.
“I want to be clear that this is just a trial period. We found a used bass drum at Rick’s Music and Christmas Shoppe on Brady Street and got a really good deal on it. But it’s fully refundable after 30 days,” said Gordan Gano, the Femmes’ guitarist and lead songwriter. “So we figured, eh, we’re going on tour, we have tons of expensive violins and acoustic basses, John [Sparrow, the Violent Femmes’ current drummer] has been a good boy. We’ll see how it goes. But if he gets at all uppity and starts thumping that thing more than once every four beats, we’re taking it away and sending it—and maybe him—back to Rick’s.”
Sparrow, the band’s intermittent drummer since 2005, reported nothing but excitement for his new piece.
“Wow, this really opens up a lot of avenues for me as a drummer,” Sparrow said. “I mean, the Femmes might have a completely different sound from now on. Instead of just brushing the snare with one hand and striking it on the two and four with the other, I can now go brush-dum-BAP, brush-dum-BAP—the ‘dum’ being the bass drum. Think how I could drive the beat in something like ‘Add It Up’ or go ‘bum-bum, bum-bum’ on ‘Blister in the Sun.’ I really think this could be my defining era as a drummer.”
Danielle Haim, songwriter and lead singer of the sister-group HAIM, advised Gano to tread lightly in terms of “feeding” a drummer.
“I’d be really careful with what you let him get away with,” said Haim, who’s been known to replace her drummer willy-nilly with a machine. “Make sure he knows this is a one-time thing and not by any means a ‘promotion’ or an invitation to play louder or—dear God—a fill. Otherwise, they can start building expectations for outrageous things like a tom-tom, a seat on the bus, or even a hotel bed. Whenever my drummer gets a little too ask-y, I just dub in a drum machine and have him sit in the corner and think about his choices.”
At press time, Gano was overheard denying Sparrow’s request for a cymbal.