“GrooveChews” are the popular new THC-gummy that’s available in all 50 states – even the ones where marijuana is illegal. How’s it possible? Simple: They do not work.
It used to be if wanted to buy marijuana that doesn’t work, you’d have to find a shady guy in a public park, but thanks to “GooveChews”, that’s no longer the case. That’s right – no matter where you are, you too can order marijuana edibles (kind of).
After seeing the ads every day on social media for a year, I was curious. I don’t actually like doing marijuana, but that doesn’t mean I want to miss out on the trends.
I was worried these gummies might make me feel paranoid or start liking jam bands, but thankfully none of that happened. With these gummies, I couldn’t even feel the sugar!
And the best part is, even though you won’t get high, they’ll still cause you to fail a drug test. But don’t take my word for it – just ask my friend Steve (during visiting hours, of course.)
Because they don’t really do anything, these gummies are perfect for eating whenever or wherever you feel like. But I wouldn’t take them before driving because they contain a lot of alcohol sugars and may cause diarrhea.
Sounds too good to be true, right?
I caught up with ‘GrooveChews’ founder Eli Wertzel to ask him how it’s possible.
“Our products use only the highest quality ingredients and the worst quality marijuana,” Mister Wertzel said proudly. “Thanks to the 2018 Farm Bill, it’s now legal to sell weed with almost 0% THC to simple people all over the country. And we guarantee our product’s ineffectiveness by sending GrooveChews to third-party labs where they’re regularly tested on disappointed stoners. As a result, you’ll never believe all the places they’re available, or how little they do.”
And Wertzel says sales have been great, especially since GrooveChews started retailing in stores. We talked with GNC franchise owner Michael Diaz, who says the product is incredibly popular with his customers.
“When the creators of these gummies told me they didn’t actually do anything, that’s when I knew they belonged in GNC,” Diaz explained. “And the best part is, since the gummies don’t have any psychotropic effect, that means they’re perfect for Scientologists like me. Because these gummies aren’t drugs, in fact, they’re barely even food. I recommend mixing them with echinacea and fenugreek, if you really want to not feel anything.”