Portland’s Poison Idea is a scary band. Terrifying, actually. Not in a silly corpse paint, Hail Satan! way, but more like “Jesus, these guys are completely fucked out of their skulls” kind of scary. Known for their self-destructive lifestyle as much as their lightning-fast, balls-heavy, rock-infused punk, Poison Idea are the unsung antiheroes of American hardcore. Formed in 1980 by frontman and longest-standing original member Jerry A. Lang, the self-proclaimed “Kings of Punk” play a pant-shitting blend of Motorhead meets GBH meets the Germs meets their dealer in a Denny’s at 3 a.m. to score heroin with a side of flapjacks. Between numerous full-lengths, EPs, singles, reissues, best ofs, stylistic changes, substance abuse problems, lineups, break ups, reunions, deaths and so on, navigating Poison Idea’s consistently brilliant catalog can be tricky. Luckily, this list will be of zero help because every album is in a seven-way tie for better than whatever you’re currently listening to. So jump in, and feel the darkness.
7. Confuse and Conquer (2015)
On their 7th and final full length, Poison Idea mostly conquers and occasionally confuses. Part classic Poison Idea, part “Oh, that’s an interesting stylistic choice…,” this swansong is in the key of we’ll do whatever the fuck we want, thank you. Honestly, nobody expected anything from Poison Idea this late in the game; shit, nobody expected anything from them early in the game either. But Jerry A. & Co. tap into veins old and new here. “Beautiful Disaster” is pure machine gun riffage. “Hypnotic” sounds like a New York Dolls b-side. “Dead Cowboy” goes…spaghetti western? And it’s all good. If variety is the spice of life, “Confuse and Conquer” might overseason the meat at times, but still with just enough kick. And yes, we stand by that terrible analogy as much as we stand by this incredible last offering.
Play it again: “Tripwire”
Skip it: “Dead Cowboy”
6. We Must Burn (1993)
“We Must Burn” is Poison Idea at its core – heavy, catchy, caustic. But once again, they’re flexing muscles we haven’t heard before, proving degenerates can also be really damn good at their instruments, no matter who’s in the band at this point (honestly, we’ve lost track). You like solos in your punk? Heck yeah you do. They’re all over this album. And not the wanky kind. Well, maybe a touch of wank. How about singing? Jerry A. shows his vocal range here, which falls somewhere between bark and howl. Hey, he’s trying! Point is – and we have one, promise – moments of experimentation aside, this is still a savage album that you get drunk and fight to. And that’s not some analogy; that is an order.
Play it again: “Hung Like a Savior,” “When I Say Stop”
Skip it: “Jessie’s Arms,” “Religion & Politics, Pt. 1”
Honorable mention: Ian MacKaye (1989)
This release is infamous for two reasons: its artwork, and pissing off its namesake. Originally called “Get Loaded and Fuck,” retitling it “Ian MacKaye” was somehow even more offensive. But the music really steals the show. Pound for pound some of their best work during their best period, this EP is a little more leather than denim compared to past releases with thrashy, heavy metal riffage galore, all played at a punk rock pace. This is actually the “Filthkick” and “Getting the Fear” EPs in one combo platter, because having 97 versions of various releases apparently still wasn’t enough for Poison Idea.
5. Latest Will and Testament (2006)
This is a clinic in not fucking around. We should know. Fucking around is literally all we do at The Hard Times. While not as yapped about as their classics, this underrated ripper is mid-period Poison Idea at the top of their craft. Sadly, it’s also legendary Tom “Pig Champion” Roberts’s last stand on guitar before shuffling off to the great basement show in the sky. Poison Idea keeps things fast and dangerous here, occasionally shifting to heavier gears and harder rock grooves.“Kill the Messenger” and “Fake” are as bleak and brutal as Poison Idea gets, which if you’ve been paying attention, is very bleak and incredibly brutal. And “Novelty” sounds like Rollins-era Black Flag, but without the tiny shorts. Slip this album into conversations about slept-on punk classics and make up all the cool points you’ve lost amongst your elitist peers lately.
Play it again: Everything
Skip it: Nothing
Honorable mention: Pick Your King (1983)
Where it all started. Aw, baby Poison Idea. Depending on who you ask, Poison Idea’s debut EP is their finest hour; but we say it’s their finest 12:40. Taking big swings at police brutality, privilege, false idols and more, they hit the ground running faster than an escaped convict with blistering, hate-fueled hardcore not unlike SSD, MDC and Negative Approach. This ranking is already longer than the record, so you know what to do.
4. Blank Blackout Vacant (1992)
This album sounds exactly as advertised, catching Poison Idea in an especially foul mood. But instead of opting for all-out temper tantrum tempos, they slow things down a notch, go darker, more rock, more roll, but no less punk. “Punish Me” bludgeons you old school, Poison Idea-style. There are tough guy hardcore moments too (“Smack Attack”), without the typical tough guy tropes. They also salute the New York Dolls with a greasy, gassed up cover of “Vietnamese Baby.” Lyrically, we’ve got dinner party conversation starters like suicide, abuse, war. An oh, fair warning: there’s a goddamn saxophone on here (“Forever and Always”), but things don’t stay saxy for too long. “Blank Blackout Vacant” shows how limber this absolute unit of a band can be, which is quite limber considering Poison Idea collectively weighed over 1000 pounds at one point.
Play it again: “Crippled Angel”
Skip it: “Amy’s Theme”
3. War All the Time (1987)
The only thing keeping this from being number one on this list is the fact that it’s number three on this list. Named after Charles Bukowski’s book “War All the Time,” Jerry A. and the gang make ol’ Hank look like an altar boy with this platter of piss, blood, and riffs. Fast. Heavy. Grimey. Clocking in at just under 30 min, this is the people’s hardcore, showing the band at their most Motorheadest (they even cover the song “Motorhead”). And we dare you to find a more brutal opener than “The Temple.” That isn’t rhetorical. Go. Find one. We’ll wait. This is also their first album with one of the best punk drummers of all time on the kit, Steve “Thee Slayer Hippy” Hanford. File this record next to “Damaged,” “Tied Down,” and your set of kettlebells.
Play it again: “The Temple,” “Romantic Self Destruction,” the whole damn thing
Skip it: “Ritual Chicken”
2. Kings of Punk (1986)
Gotta love the modesty! Honestly, Poison Idea could have called this slab of stolen valor “Dickcheese Twinklefarts” and they’d still be the undisputed kings of punk. With two killer EPs already under their belt, this debut album is one of many jewels in the band’s broken crown. Punk purists will claim this as Poison Idea’s best. And they’re not not wrong. Fast. Raw. Nihilistic. Razor sharp songwriting. A true hardcore punk record back to front, with the occasional glimpse at the metallic chugga-chugga to come. In an era when hundreds of bands could claim the title “Kings of Cockrock,” this much needed blast of fuck you was not only one of the finest punk rock debut LPs of the time, it set the stage for one of the greatest punk albums period.
Play it again: “Made to be Broken,” “God Not God,” “Death Wish Kids”
Skip it: Nothing
1. Feel the Darkness (1990)
Poison Idea’s third full length is obviously their best for one reason: we say so. Heralded as a masterpiece by anyone with earholes, this album is still vastly underrated somehow. Thank Christ this ranking is about to change all that! Pig Champion puts in overtime at the riff factory, but it’s his melodic chops that really shine on anthems like “Taken by Surprise.” “Just to Get Away” shows Jerry A. elevating his point-blank lyricism to gritty, poetic storytelling. And thanks to a little-known local band from Texas called Pantera covering “The Badge” for an even lesser-known film “The Crow,” this introduced most people to Poison Idea without even realizing it was their song. That’s cool. Poison Idea probably didn’t realize it was their song either during this most debaucherous period in their career. Need another name drop? Kurt Cobain loved this album. And look where that got him!
Play it again: All of it
Skip it: None of it
Honorable mention: Mating Walruses (Live video) (1993)
We can’t imagine any band wanting to go on after Poison Idea. What else could anybody possibly bring to the stage that they didn’t already leave up there, if there’s even a stage left. Blood. Buttcheeks. Firebreathing. Riffs. Know what? F this list. If you want the full meal deal Poison Idea, skip everything we’ve just ranked and go directly to this beautiful mess of a live compilation.