As a strong proponent of animal rights, as well as someone who understands the climate impact of large-scale agriculture, I pride myself on being a vegan. No animal products enter my domicile. That said, my apartment smells fucked up. But for those who take part in eating animal products, my apartment smells like a cheesemonger’s paradise. This has made me appreciate it a bit more because I get all the benefits of a cheese shop with none of the animal cruelty. So close your eyes and let your nose do the talking as we get to experience the aromas of high-end cheeses, without involving cows, sheep, or goats. Bon appétit!
Limburger
The classic and probably most known “stinky cheese”. Infamous for its strong, pungent aroma, Limburger is often compared to dirty socks. Which checks out, as I honestly can’t remember the last time I did laundry. I saw on TikTok that if you put your dirty socks out in the sun, the UV rays kill all bacteria in there. And as we all know, TikTok is always right. So I should try that. But I haven’t.
Roquefort
While I’ve never had it, my bloodmouth friends have told me Roquefort is actually quite delicious. However, it can have a strong, tangy smell that many describe as being similar to moldy or damp environments. So that makes sense since the tangy aroma of an expensive blue sheep cheese has been wafting from the pile of towels in the bathroom. All it takes is one post-shower use of my cheese towels, and you’ll be swept away on a magical trip to southern France. And then of course you’ll take a magical trip to the shower again because you’re gonna need some scrubbing to get that smell off. Sacre Bleu!
Vieux Boulogne
This cheese from coastal Northern France, is made from cow’s milk and has a washed rind that apparently contributes to its intense aroma. Many describe the smell as being similar to fish or even a large fish market. Vieux Boulogne has even been called the smelliest cheese in the world! Pretty amazing. What’s not amazing, is that I’m honestly not sure where the fishy Vieux Boulogne-esque smell in my apartment is coming from. I feel like when I stand near the radiator I can smell it the strongest. But it’s not coming from the actual radiator itself. And then sometimes when I’m on the couch, I feel like it’s wafting from the cushions. But after a solid sniff test, those cushions are a cheddar at most. But I suppose the key to keeping life interesting is mystery!
Taleggio
Mama Mia! This Italian cheese has a distinct aroma that some compare to earthy mushrooms and fungi. And I’ll tell you one thing: this fun-guy has had a crotch itch for about 5 months that’s whipping a Taleggio stank that’ll make even the most seasoned of Cheesemongers do a double take. Is it a fungus? Is it a rash? Is it just body odor caked on from years of playing basement shows with no ventilation? No one really knows. Including the CDC. Believe me, I’ve been contacted. But one thing’s for sure: my unwashed undercarriage smells like Italian cheese.
Casu Marzu
Our final entry is a traditional Sardinian cheese known for its pungency, as well as its dubious legality. This hard-to-find cheese is made by allowing fly larvae, otherwise known as maggots, to infest the cheese, which then break down the fats, resulting in a very pungent and sometimes fecal-like odor. Now before get you all judgmental: There’s no poop on my floor or anything gross like that. In fact the enticing aroma of Casu Marzu is coming from a wound on my leg. I open up my shin pretty bad, attempting to tre flip an 8-stair. Instead of going to the doctor I just wrapped one of my socks around it. But I think the sock has kinda fused with the wound. And I saw a documentary about how sometimes maggots can clean wounds, so… well you get it. Basically gourmands wanna smell my cheese leg, and I’ve got about 34 new wriggling animal companions. Talk about a win/win!