Have you ever gotten so wrapped up in what you were doing you lost sight of why you were doing it? Because we successfully campaigned to get Uncle Kracker canceled but for the life of me I can’t remember why. It’s like when you walk into a room and forget why you went into that room in the first place, but with tarnishing someone’s career, instead of walking into a room. God this is frustrating.
Did we do it because his name is racist or something? I mean “Uncle Kracker” feels like it’s definitely racist but I’m not sure who it’s directed against because Uncle Kracker is white after all. Does that mean he’s reclaiming the word “Kracker” for white people? Is it racist to try and reclaim a word when you’re in a privileged position? I mean we think so. But we don’t know if that’s what he’s doing.
I guess it could be the music but there’s nothing of substance I can find. His biggest hit was “Follow Me” which sounds a little creepy. I think I remember hearing that he wrote the song as a means of luring children back to his mystical gingerbread house where he could then cook and eat them. But if that’s why we did it then god are we dumb for believing that about him.
It could be the case we got him confused with someone else. Did we get him confused with Steve from Smash Mouth? But wait, why would we want to cancel Steve? May he rest in peace. Oh Christ I’m sad now thinking about Steve and the idea that we’d try and cancel him for no reason. Maybe we did it because we’re just assholes.
Well I guess that means we slandered an innocent man for no… OH WAIT SHIT I REMEMBER NOW! He had that incident where he groped that woman at a bar in 2007. I can’t believe I forgot about that. Also he’s friends with Kid Rock so yeah fuck Uncle Kracker. I’m glad we canceled him.