I’m a good dad, OK? I think it’s important to get that out of the way first. Sure, I used to party when I was younger, but once my (now ex-)wife, Vanessa got pregnant with Gena I put that all away. But as a realistic father who puts his child first always, I understand that she will have a party phase as well. So, to me, it’s common sense: if my teenage daughter is going to drink, I want her to do so in my basement so I can keep an eye on her and also hit on her friends.
This way, my Gena and her friends can have a safe place to hang out. Also, it gives me a chance to try the old flirting classics on her friends like, “let me show you my motorcycle” or, “bet your dad doesn’t let you shoot guns in the house.” Like I said, safety first.
Related: I’m Not Gentrifying This City, It Was My Rich White Asshole of a Dad Who Bought the Apartment
16-year-olds have a WIDE RANGE of maturity levels. Believe me: I’m responsibly raising one! But some of Gena’s friends are REALLY mature if you ask me. Last month we had a little party downstairs where I bought Gena and her friends a couple cases of beer and a few sixers of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Her friend Felicia then asked me if I knew anything about statutory laws in our state. So mature! She must be planning to go to college to be a lawyer. I definitely want her hanging out with my daughter!
Anyway, I should finish this up and go back to the party. I heard a knock at the door so I’m assuming more of Gena’s friends have arrived. Oh cool, it looks like they brought flashing red and blue strobe lights. This should be a great night!
Hard Times shirts are perfect for any basement-related occasion:
Article by Goodrich Gevaart @GoodrichGevaart
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