LANSING, Mich. — Local man Jerry Schmidt celebrated his birthday yesterday, and with it, another year of his favorite music and movies losing their cultural…
Aries (March 21-April 19) While it is true that the stars don’t know everything, they do know that you are, without a doubt, wearing a…
ATLANTA -— Stubborn, delusional punk Drew Blaney, who has lost a third of his mohawk due to his receding hairline, will not fix his increasingly…
EUGENE, Ore. — Anarcho-bike collective Skid Stop made a surprising daylight attack on capitalism today, dropping off at Berkman’s Books more than 20 copies of…
MESA, Ariz. — Local man Russell Garcia is worried his six-week-old relationship could “turn into something more serious that will take up precious time,” despite…
TACOMA, Wash. — Blue Note Records employees celebrated a major milestone this afternoon when the last remaining album from the long list of 2015 Record…
GREELEY, Colo. — Employees at the Needle Exchange record store dispatched a weird guy moments ago to stand uncomfortably close to you and flip through…
SANTA ROSA, Calif. — Prep cook and marijuana enthusiast Alan Fisher inadvertently used his nunchucks for their deeper, lifelong purpose when he traded the impractical…
ANSBACH, GERMANY — Indianapolis-born stoner Pvt. Jason Jordan is “lighting up a nice fatty” at 16:20 every day as he adjusts to his military service,…
BOISE, Idaho — The freshly cleaned bedroom of local woman Megan O’Leary is “anxiously excited” to meet O’Leary’s potential sexual partner later this evening, sources…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Mercury is finally out of the dickhead zone for you, so enjoy the reprieve. Use the time to subject everyone to…
Punk’s not dead, right? Spoiler alert, dipshit! According to this fan theory, punk has been dead for decades. Not only that, but evidence suggests that…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Rockville mayor “Rowdy” Randy Holmes was removed from his elected position this morning after being deemed unfit to lead in even the…













