DETROIT — Troubled teen Liam Coogan, 15, reportedly latched onto clueless middle-aged scene regular Craig Thompson as a father figure, slightly mortified sources confirm. “I…
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. — Local eco-punk Teddy Vasquez recently explained the benefits of green energy to a carload of friends while tossing half-a-dozen cigarette butts…
DENTON, Texas — Members of the local emo band Bike Seat revealed a Sam’s Club membership is the only reason why their longtime bassist has…
I’ll admit, gambling isn’t easy. And take it from me, the guy who spent every cent he had feeding a penny slot machine for 14…
WARWICK, R.I. — Longtime Dave & Buster’s customer and man who’s had a real rough go of it lately Geoff Pond was shocked when he…
NILES, Calif. — The National Park Service announced that its latest addition, Niles Canyon National Park, offers the optimal environment for visitors to spend time…
Would you rather be slaving away at a boring ass 9 to 5 job or unburdened by the shackles of society and causing mayhem up…
LOS ANGELES – Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst admitted that the claims he “did it for the nookie” in the 1999 hit “Nookie” were a…
OMAHA, Neb. — District 2 constituent Steve Amundson, fed up with the protracted process of fixing the potholes on his street, wrote Representative Burt Johnson…
It used to be effortless making friends outside the venue when you were a smoker. Usually you’d just ask if anyone had a light and…
Being a stepparent is hard, and it’s even harder when your stepson is punk as fuck. Worry not, normie stepmoms and stepdads of the world…
DETROIT — A mixture of ridicule and disgust caused local man Derek Jones to announce his new mustache is not a serious endeavor and is…
What kind of a landlord evicts his tenants just for having a three-day, all-hours music fest at his house?! I’m getting out the lease because…
NORTHAMPTON, Mass. — Members of the reflective indie band Willimantic Trail uncharacteristically planned an elaborate routine in response to “Free Bird” song requests and are…
It’s safe to say that everyone at this tattoo convention can agree that the body is a blank canvas. Some go with designs that are…