The holiday season is here, which means it’s time to buy gifts! You might have a plan for all your loved ones – but what…
LOS ANGELES — Local musician Brian Herring is reportedly making a decent living as a working musician but is reluctant to mention his marriage to…
BOSTON — Local mallard Ruddy assured his girlfriend that his odd corkscrew-shaped penis is what all duck phalluses look like, perturbed sources confirmed. “So we’d…
Congratulations, you’ve managed to sneak into your nemesis’ inner sanctum (or home office). Now all that’s left to do is wait in their extra tall…
WICHITA, Kan. — Local horror punk outfit Shattered Heirloom reportedly only writes songs about family trauma as they are influenced by indie entertainment company A24,…
LOS ANGELES — Software engineer Christina Perry pampered herself with a restorative seven-day weed and cough medicine binge to make up for her lack of…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Doctors across the country warned new and prospective parents that excessive use of white noise machines might lead infants to start drone…
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — The annual holiday gift exchange at Clarkson Valley Police Department consisted entirely of Punisher items for the fifth year in a…
Remember the Noid? In the 1980s, he ruined pizza, insofar as Domino’s can be ruined any more than it already is by simply existing. That…
BOSTON — Studies conducted at MIT show that when visiting a Chipotle Mexican Grill location, the person in front of you will always be a…
SAN DIEGO — Local man Andrew Hannigan was disappointed after joining a cult he incorrectly assumed was centered around depraved sexual activity, sources confirm. “Well,…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. – Local man Paul Costas disappeared after trying to tie his shoes in the midst of a forming pit at a beatdown…
As someone who tends to curate playlists, I always get excited to see my end of the year Spotify Wrapped, because it typically just shows…
DENVER — Local woman Margaret Phelmer is reportedly struggling to embrace her new polyamorous lifestyle following a disastrous haircut, concerned sources confirm. “I went to…
SOUTHBRIDGE, Mass.–Newly 40-year-old man Gregory Chaudhari is experiencing a new type of mid-life crisis like many others his age–the inability to afford one. “In my…