In a dive bar full of classic punk bands, Dead Kennedys occupy the dirtiest, grimiest corner that The Clash, Ramones, and Sex Pistols wouldn’t bother to piss in unless it paid well. Their brand of punk is chaotic, yet demonstrates superior musicianship and songwriting craftsmanship. Lyrically, DK literally put themselves into their enemy’s shoes to show how hypocritical, laughable, or downright evil they are. At a time when many of their contemporaries were throwing ineffectual verbal barbs at the system, DK was releasing music and artwork that had them constantly in court or getting their offices raided.
1983’s “Plastic Surgery Disasters” is comprised of around 14 tracks (depending on the version you have). It simultaneously restablishes their firm hold on punk, while showing their ability to keep up with, and even influence, the next iteration of punk: hardcore.
We ranked every song on “Plastic Surgery Disasters.” And before a few uneducated assholes hit the comments section to point out that we didn’t rank “In God We Trust, Inc.” along with it, first off, eat a dick. Second, that was an EP from 1981 you CD-buying poser. And third, here’s how we’d rank them (from worst to best): Kepone Factory, Hyperactive Child, Moral Majority, Religious Vomit, Dog Bite, Rawhide, We’ve Got a Bigger Problem Now, Nazi Punks Fuck Off. Okay, now for the real rankings.
14. Advice From Christmas Past
This is an easy one to rank last since it’s a 55 second spoken word intro. It’s still pretty sick though. It’s always fun hearing someone else read words written by Jello Biafra since his word choice is so specfic. The intro sets up the themes of this record: distrust in exploitative institutions and breaking out of the haze of your daily monotony. This one was a freebee so the next track is the real one we ranked last. So if the next one is your favorite then we’re sorry your music taste is so bad.
13. Bleed for Me
Just kidding. Every song on this album fucking rips. “Bleed for Me” graphically describes the interrogation, torture, and secret killing of “enemies of the state” by secret police. Set to a punk/disco beat, the Dead Kennedys are great at making you dance to real-life horror scenes. Also, Jello clearly thinks the wealthy elite are secret cannibals. That seems so silly now that we know they were actually dining on Adrenochrome.
12. I Am the Owl
Similar to “Bleed for Me,” this is a song about CIA spooks targeting powerful or connected people who have outlived their usefulness. Dead Kennedys sought to change minds way more than they were concerned with making popular music. “I Am the Owl” directs its lyrics toward those entrenched in the system, warning them of the potential dangers they can face, even if they are abiding by the rules of the powers that be. It’s got a hell of a good hook too.
11. Dead End
“Dead End” tells a simple story of friends and lovers taking everything from someone they supposedly care for. It’s a brutal tale that explores how human exploitation extends far past the greedy hands of industry and politics. It shows that greed is part of human nature, while loyalty is a construct that can be abandoned like a snake sheds its skin. Fortunately, it will be okay because, as the song posits, “We all die in the end.”
10. Buzzbomb
It turns out mocking “car guys” was just as funny in the ’80s as it is today. Between this and the song about preps, Jello Biafra manages to slip in some pretty petty grievances in between songs about societal institutions. Like the rest of “Plastic Surgery Disasters,” the musical tone matches the lyrics perfectly. “Buzzbomb” feels like you’re in that douchebag’s car flying down the road. The solo is both ironic and fucking sick as fuck.
9. Forest Fire
Starting with “Forest Fire,” the rest of the songs on this list showcase of Dead Kennedys’ ability to make straight-up good songs. DK shed a lot of their pop sensibilities after “Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables” in favor of a darker, stranger sound. However, at the core of each track is a well-structured piece of music. Unique music only contributes to the art form when it has an understanding of what came before it. Kill your idols, sure, but you should still know your history.
8. Terminal Preppie
This track takes aim at the type of person who makes college their identity along with the mundane path most people with this mentality wind up walking down. Also, “Preppie” was such a great insult. I’m gonna call start calling people “preps” again. This is a great song that paints the picture of the type of person would later be known as “basic.”
7. Government Flu
“Government Flu?!” Are we sure they didn’t write this in 2020? This song showcases how perfect the synergy is in this band. These songs are mostly one guitar, bass, drums, and vocals, yet songs like “Government Flu” have so much going on and you can get so much out of re-listens while focusing on each instrument. Once again, the music matches the lyrics perfectly from the monotonous march of the opening drum beat and guitar riff to the chaotic breakdown at the end when the “Government Flu” has taken full effect.
6. Winnebago Warrior
Lyrically, “Winnebago Warrior” mocks a very specific type of American. While the topic of the song lacks the gravity of the rest of the album, it’s ranked so highly because it’s just a straight-up good listen. It’s also hilarious. Jello’s kinda sassy. Some really cool bass parts too. Seriously, every member of this band is worth paying attention to for an entire album listen. This record is so densely packed with music.
5. Riot
Lyrically, “Riot” sarcastically boasts about the wreckless joys of rioting, while expressing the sincere belief that most public demonstrations of chaos are often misguided and cause more of the same problems the very rioters are seeking to solve. Musically, this song builds from a quiet, ominous rumble to a full blown riot. DK would showcase their ability to write epic songs that build to an explosive climax over the rest of their career.
4. Halloween
If there’s one thing Jello loves it’s ironic dancing and “Halloween” lends itself to this better than anything else in the DK discography. This song uses Halloween as a metaphor for becoming a different person—the person you really want to be—but only at socially appropriate times.
3. Trust Your Mechanic
If “exploitative institutions” is the theme of the record then “Trust Your Mechanic” is the centerpiece. It combines the best of what this record has to offer: lyrics about protecting yourself from a world that seeks to take everything from you, thematic music that matches the lyrics perfectly, and a musical experience you can dance, sing, and mosh to. Also, there’s that one part when he’s like, “And the rich eat you!” YES. Fuck.
2. Well Paid Scientist
This is Dead Kennedys at their punk best. “Well Paid Scientist” is a rapid-fire attack on your ears in the best way. Lyrically, it takes many of the ideas from “Trust Your Mechanic” but puts you, the listener, in the perspective of someone in a successful position working for an exploitative system. It poses the question of, “even in the best possible scenario, are you happy being this person?”
1. Moon Over Marin
This song is perfect. Lyrically, it’s about living daily live in a world that has slowly gone to shit so bad that, just to leave your house, you need to wear a mask and special protective clothing. “Moon Over Marin” paints a surreal portrait of an environment that could be confused with a post-apocalyptic wasteland. But the character in the song goes about their mundane daily routine showing no signs of concern. It’s just life in a world that is slowly decaying. DK were beyond ahead of their time. Musically, “Moon Over Marin” is the most straightforward rock song in the band’s catalog and it sounds like something you could hear dominating the radio charts in the 80s. But it’s also something you can scream along to while your head and maybe one raised fist manage to stick out of a collapsing mosh pit just long enough for you to yell in unison with the crowd, “There will always be a moon over Marin!”