Year in Review: We Look Back on the Countless Atrocities of 2026
Well, 2026, it’s been quite the ride. Sure, we’re only eight days in, but I think we can all agree that now is the time for reflection and officially pinning all of our hopes on 2027. Join us for a look back at the appalling events of this …
Kristi Noem Has Already Condemned This Post, Which Criticizes ICE, as an Act of Domestic Terrorism
INTERNET — Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem has categorically condemned the publication of the article you are currently reading, which criticizes ICE over the… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
JD Vance Relieved To Learn Couch Unharmed After Home Vandalization
AITA for Lighting My Homemade Guy on Fire Because Teaching Him Stuff Was Getting Exhausting? — Guest Post by Victor Frankenstein
Okay, so I made a guy. Kind of like how God can make a guy, but I made mine at home out of scrap parts… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Erika Kirk Takes Quiet Moment To Mourn With Only Six Confetti Cannons
PHOENIX, Ariz. — A somber Erika Kirk took a quiet, personal moment to mourn her late husband with only six confetti cannons, confirmed sources. “I… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Trump Is Boasting About an Alleged Land Strike in Venezuela — Here’s Why He Is Still a Pedophile
Loudwire Ranks Mushroomhead Best Nu-Metal Band Named After the Tip of a Penis
WINDSOR, Colo. — Online media magazine Loudwire anointed Cleveland’s Mushroomhead as the best nu-metal band named after the tip of a penis, sources report. “We… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Music
Aging Goregrind Band Now Just Taking Lyrical Inspiration From the Changes Naturally Occurring in Their Own Bodies
FORT MYERS, Fla. — Goregrind band Masticated Genitalia found themselves deriving inspiration from transformations they observed in their own bodies as they got older, sources report.“When we got started in the early 2000s, I was using an old medical textbook…
Punk Hibachi Chef Throws Cigarette Butts Into Patrons Mouths
BOSTON — Local punk hibachi chef Joey “Skunk” Robins reportedly hucks cigarette butts into the…
Baby Saves Marriage, Kills Band
FAIRHAVEN, Mass. — A new baby daughter helped local couple Ben and Hannah Brenner reconnect,…
Guy in Motörhead Shirt Sick of People Asking Him To Change Their Carburetors
LAKE FOREST, Ill. — Metalhead Darryl Washburn found himself getting exhausted by the constant requests…
Experts Warn Resurgence of Nu-Metal Could Be a Precursor to Another Swing Revival
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Experts at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research have…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…