“The Star Spangled Banner” is as timeless as the United States of America itself. But if it’s so revered, why does it contain exactly zero…
CHICAGO — A local jam session reportedly went so awry that for the first time in millennia, none of the participants suggested they should start…
Every so often, you meet some horrible person who doesn’t fully understand what a social contract is. We all know someone that when you ask:…
WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Local Weakerthans fan Graham Neal is reportedly unable to extend his performance in the bedroom by using the classic “just think about…
DEERFIELD, Ill. – Walgreens announced today that it would be closing 1,200 retail stores after unsuccessfully implementing a policy of locking entire facades of their…
CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa — Local man Vincent Metcalf quit his longtime dream of becoming a con artist to become a con accountant, confirmed sources who…
In the quiet aftermath of loss, when the world seems to grind to a halt and grief hangs heavy in the air, there’s a stark,…
BOCA CHICA, Texas — Local businessman and investor Elon Musk presented his clear vision of the future where humanity thought of him as the worst…
It’s that time of year again. The sun starts setting before lunch, you exchange your summer beanie for your cold weather beanie, and the Death…
NEW ORLEANS — A weekly Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting was recently attended by all three former members of the band Cyanide Churro, who individually arrived hoping…
Former cover band and current heist team, Joe G. Whiz and the Egg Heads, are saying they’ll release every hostage in this PNC Bank if…
OMAHA, Neb. — HR generalist Annie Washington claims she already knows who within the company is going to be fired for donning blackface this Halloween…
Do you guys also feel like there is just way too much music coming out nowadays? Lucky for you, we’re here to pick a handful…
OK, when I decided to buy a home in this community, I thought I’d enjoy a little bit of freedom in how I express myself…
LOS ANGELES — Garment company JNCO says renewed interest in their extra-wide legged jeans could result in a devastating shortage of denim, wallet-chain wearing sources…