PONTIAC, Mich. — 55-year-old Juggalo Kevin “Klown Syndrome” Anderson is concerned young Juggalos won’t continue the positive Juggalo message created by his generation, sources close…
LOS ANGELES — The veteran YouTube series The Great British Bass Off will team up with Coast to Coast, an up-and-coming YouTube series revolving around…
LONDON — Local steampunk Alexi Franklin was assaulted yesterday by fellow Pincham High classmate and noted steamjock Victor Gryphon, multiple witnesses confirmed. “He kept calling…
NEW YORK — Fans seeing post-rock band We Make Noise Sounds last night weren’t entirely sure whether the group had started playing, or if the…
Well this isn’t good. WWE Champion John Cena has a heart of gold, but it might just cost one sickly child his life. Cena —…
My pitch for this article was simple: I would ingest edibles and, under the influence, call a bunch of my ex-girlfriends. The idea was that…
CHICAGO — Climatologists are blaming record-low temperatures for the steep decline in Year-Round Shorts-Guy populations, resulting in a massive shortage of exposed, hairy, mid-winter calves,…
NEW YORK — Progressive punk Otto Williams replaced the phrase “bum a cigarette” earlier today with “homeless person a cigarette” in an attempt to be…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — 13 ½-year-old punk Bailey Tolbert is in a “full-blown” midlife crisis, unsure what to do with the remaining years she has…
Look at that drummer. She just put down her regular sticks and picked up two little bundles of kebab skewers. What’s she know that we…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local punk Alicia Lane is spending another long, slippery, water-soaked winter in her insufficiently winterized Doc Marten boots, friends close to the…
Attention longtime Slayer fans! If you’ve shown your dedication to thrash legends Slayer by carving the band’s name into your flesh, you could be entitled…
AKRON, Ohio — Local punk and apparent millionaire Ryan Simpson paid $6 for Friday night’s sliding-scale admission for a show at the DIY venue The…
EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. — Vice-Principal of Eden Prairie High School Wayne McCarthy claimed this week that he can relate with some of his school’s more…
All day long I hear people complaining about how bad alcohol is. How it destroys families and makes you shit your pants at your girlfriend’s…