I thought I made it clear in our couples’ therapy Zoom session that this wasn’t a joke; it’s serious. I can’t start any more fights…
NASHUA, N.H. — Local record collector Scott Kilduff spent his entire stimulus check on a single Japanese import LP yesterday that he deemed more important…
Like so many of us, I’ve spent the last few weeks quarantined alone in my studio apartment with nothing but TV and my increasingly worrisome…
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — 64-year-old captor Charles Lynn Gartner’s basement-dwelling hostages remain blissfully unaware of the global crisis happening right outside their cage, sources feeding them…
Face masks have become commonplace in this current era. Some of us are buying fancy masks off Etsy. Some of us are mugging health care…
MADISON, Wis. — Local bald man Gene Zielinski is petitioning the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention today, demanding they include hats as mandatory protective…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local activist/influencer/yoga instructor/Instagram model/spiritualist Lana-Ann Fink did her part yesterday to take a stand and inspire change on political and social issues…
The billionaire chairman and CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, and honestly still a pretty good meme format, Vince McMahon has been in the news a…
PHILADELPHIA — Quarantined Bella Vista resident Zack Simmons is so desperate for any interaction with his fellow Philadelphians, he’s resorted to hurling D-sized batteries at…
GREEN BAY, Wisc. — Local punk and BurntBridge frontman Zach Maron live-streamed an intimate acoustic show on Instagram late last night with the belief that…
We all know important science adults say we need be inside. We all know be inside help no get sick, ‘specially help cranky old mommies…
BROOKLYN — New Yorkers loudly applauded their appreciation for healthcare workers on the front lines of the COVID-19 epidemic again last night, unwittingly ruining bedroom…
Mindfulness is everywhere! From Instagram celebs to that friend whose Medium page you keep lying about reading, it seems like no-one will shut up about…
GILROY, Calif. — 13-year-old Matthew Staller’s social standing has not improved at all since his middle school closed down last month, the seventh-grader quietly reported…
All you kids these days, with your “Animal Crossing” and your one-and-done stimulus payments, think you’re so fucking cool just because you lost your job…