While everyone is sounding the alarms about AI’s unregulated overreach by evil technocrats and the annoying rabble of eco-conscious peaceniks clutch their pearls about AI leading to “mass unemployment” or “dismantling the very fabric of our shared reality,” I offer a different perspective. One that’s rooted in a little gratitude for a change.
Consider this, dipshits. It’s 1644 in pre-colonial America. You’ve just spent five months preparing a single loaf of bread, building a fire takes an hour, and that’s if you even have dry wood. You’ve had fifteen kids in the last four years, but only two of them survived, and you’d love to read a book to pass the time, but unfortunately, you’re illiterate. Now what are you going to do? A whole lot of jack shit, that’s what. So, could it not be assumed that our ancestors, who so ruthlessly toiled for every possible element of survival, wouldn’t be happy for me to be able to prompt generative AI engines to personally make me a hilarious ass video of Oscar the Grouch farting into his own dick?
Do I not honor their efforts to seek a better life for their children and future generations by using the tools that modernity has blessed us with to entertain myself with shit like this? First of all, you haven’t even seen the video I made, so, judgmental much? I even edited it so that the fart creates a bubble like a backed-up fire hose from Looney Toons that’s just ping ponging back and forth between Oscar’s ass and through his wiener and into his tummy on a loop with a penny whistle sound effect. It’s goddamn hilarious. I know it would’ve brought tears of laughter to the eyes of my forbears, and that they’d be happy for me as I watched it again and again in safety and comfort.
Now, I know that the most common complaint from people is how much fresh water AI engines need to cool down their systems. First of all, prove it. Ever thought of proving it? Oh, you may say, “multiple reputable news services have long since proved it.” Yeah? Well, good for them, now you prove it. See? You can’t.
Secondly, chill the fuck out. Ever seen a river? It’s full of water. That’s all the proof I need that everything’s fine.
While you all create shittier worlds for yourself in your mind, I’ll be sitting by the fire tonight beside a photo of my great grandparents, enjoying a clean glass of water and showing them the tightest video that they didn’t even know could exist in their wildest imaginations. Kiss my ass.
This article is satirical. The Hard Times is a punk/hardcore satire site. All content should be considered parody and entertainment purposes only.
