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Actually, If You Account for All Time Zones International Women’s Day Is Impossible

If you believe the hype, today is International Women’s Day. Everybody online is talking about accomplishments women have made in history. Everybody is celebrating the women in their lives. Everybody is talking about the importance of women’s rights around the world. But you know what nobody is talking about? What everybody has apparently forgotten?

Cold. Hard. Facts.

I’ll take this slow, so all you sheeple will understand: International Women’s Day is impossible, because it is never the same date everywhere on Earth. I guess schools have stopped teaching time zones. Maybe they’ve been too busy teaching students how to hate men.

When I posted about this on my Facebook page “Time Zones Are Important And Women Are Not,” a bunch of triggered ladies said I was “missing the point” of International Women’s Day. Never mind what they are missing: the island of Kiritimati, which is in the UTC +14:00 time zone and contains 6,000 people. Kiritimati is always on a different date than the UTC -11:00 time zone, which contains American Samoa, with a population of 55,000 people.

Now, you might say the thousands of people living on these islands don’t matter. You might say that the point of International Women’s Day is to promote the importance of women across the globe, regardless of when each territory experiences the date.

So, by that “logic” I guess you would support carpet bombing those islands, because who cares about those innocent people, right? While celebrating your silly holiday, maybe take a second to think about the lives you are endangering with your murderous ideology.

And don’t get me started on the February 15th holiday, Susan B. Anthony Day — did you know that the Susan B. Anthony dollar was one of the most badly managed currency rollouts in the history of the U.S. Mint? Check out my other Facebook page, “The Importance of Efficient Currency Production And Nothing Else,” for more information.

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