PHILADELPHIA — Several fans braced for embarrassment at a local extreme metal show Saturday night when the frontman of black metal band Blürgnorff walked out on stage to perform sporting a long purplish cape, multiple sources report.
“I had never heard of Blürgnorff before the show, and I thought they might be decent considering the stage lighting and general atmosphere,” explained show attendee Leo House.” But when the frontman came out he had the cape pulled around his face like he was some sort of Dracula and then he flung it around his back as soon as he started his vocals. I think he expected a big round of applause but most people just instinctively took out their phones to avoid looking at him. I had to leave the venue before anyone mistakenly assumed I was enjoying what that clown was doing.”
Blürgnorff’s frontman and caped spectacle, D-Evil, defended his controversial stage attire.
“First of all, it’s not a cape, it’s a cloak,” said the frontman while using a toothbrush to gently remove beer stains from cans that had been thrown at him. “And second of all, superheroes wear capes. Superheroes are lame do-gooders that don’t have an ounce of metal in their bones. Children of Satan like myself choose to wear cloaks because it’s the classic wardrobe of the occult! Druids never wore capes. Anton Levay never wore a cape. I don’t wear a cape! It pulls together our stage presence perfectly, even if our bassist always steps on it by accident.”
Music historian at the Library of Congress Dr. Janice Kennedy gave some insight on the history of caped, or potentially caped musicians.
“What people may not know is that many popular musicians started out wearing a cape on stage, much to the chagrin of critics,” noted Dr. Kennedy. “Rumor has it even Bruce Springsteen had a period where he potentially put an American Flag cape on for his live shows. Sort of like a singing Captain America type thing. Of course, the executives at Columbia records immediately shot it down for being monumentally stupid, and rightfully so.”
At press time, all of Blürgnorff held an intervention for their frontman imploring him to replace his cape with an evil-looking hat.