FITCHBURG, Ariz. — A small town took extreme pride in the success of local band Okay Jerry despite the group high-tailing it out of there the minute they had the opportunity to, sources confirmed.
“We love Okay Jerry! They are the honor of Fitchburg!” local bartender Melissa Hassel stated. “We have a poster of them on our wall with other local legends like our weatherman and a former Bachelorette winner. The drummer even signed it! Well, he actually just wrote ‘fuck you’ on it. Close enough though. He was drunk here once the day after Christmas, demanding free drinks and shouting ‘Do you know who I am?’ after this jerk bothered to get his face in the way of the drummer’s fist. We kicked that creep out and made it up to the drummer by letting him smoke inside. Our jukebox is always playing their hit single ‘Bat Outta Loserville’ due to popular demand.”
The band members sort of looked back fondly on their time in Fitchburg.
“Yeah, we grew up there. Started in my parent’s garage, got a few fans then we moved to LA where we belonged,” guitarist Casey Jeffries reminisced. “Got a sweet ass home in Bel Air now where we record stuff. Playing sold out shows all over the country. Leaving Fitchburg was the greatest decision we ever made. If we stayed we’d probably be so bored and wind up doing fent instead of secret rich drugs I’m not allowed to say the name of.”
Eric Hammond, the band’s English teacher, remembers them fondly.
“I really think I made an impact with those kids.” Mr. Hammond reported. “All four of them were in my class. They were always saying silly things like ‘fuck you old man’ or ‘I don’t care if I get good grades my dad is rich.’ You know, kids being kids. They refused to do their homework when we studied poetry but I’d like to think it really affected their song lyrics.”
At press time, the mayor of Fitchburg announced that this Sunday will forever be known as Okay Jerry Day, complete with a parade, speeches, and mural unveiling, despite the band declining to attend.
