SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local reunion show for ska band Skattergories was reportedly ruined by all the ska music, confirmed sources who wondered when it was going to finally end.
“As a ska fan, I was mortified by all the ska,” said Vinny Smalls, founder of The Skattergordiots fanclub and one-time street team member for the band. “You have to understand—this band was my life, and for the first song or two, I felt like I was back in a bouncy castle in 1996. I was skanking with the best of them until out of nowhere I started to think about 9/11. I lost my rhythm, experienced vertigo, then nearly passed out. It’s like my body physically rejected all the ska. Anyway, I’m less of a Reel Big Fish guy nowadays and more of a Counting Crows kind of dude now. Maybe I’ve aged out of upstrokes.”
Skattergories singer Freddie Kirby could feel the underwhelming energy from the crowd.
“We haven’t changed a thing since we last performed 30 years ago, and while our shows used to be a jovial, raucous riot, everyone tonight just seemed depressed—like something had fundamentally shifted within the last three decades. It’s almost like ska isn’t a dominant music genre in 2025,” said Kirby. “We originally disbanded due to the logistics of having a 17-member horn section, so we were elated to find out that we were all somehow free on the same Saturday. A good three or four fans have been clamoring for a reunion show, and we went all out. I brought 10 vats of pickles, a bushel of kazoos, inflatable beach balls, and we were even going to do a cover of ‘La Cucaracha.’ Somehow, our best wasn’t enough.”
Clinical Psychologist Harold Bernstein says this type of trauma response is not abnormal when attending ska shows.
“What Mr. Smalls experienced is incredibly normal,” said Bernstein. “In a strange way, going to a ska show as an adult is akin to leaving home for the first time, to growing up all over again. Many people may experience an almost out-of-body experience when realizing that the horns which once provided comfort now create headaches and keep them up at night. There’s nothing funny about ska. It’s a dangerous genre that should only be experienced with the proper precautionary measures.”
At press time, Kirby was reviewing the return policy of 400 kazoos while a forlorn trumpet rang out in the distance.