OMAHA, Neb. — Local garage rock band the Wet Tongues are completely, perhaps even blissfully, unaware that the acoustics they’re currently working with are the best they’re ever going to have, per multiple reports.
“Man, are you hearing this shit? If this is how we sound now, just imagine what it’ll be like when we’re in the studio or play the Sphere in Las Vegas!” said frontman and guitarist Mikey Riley. “When we shut the garage door and Alex just goes absolutely batshit on the cymbals, it’s electric—we basically sound like pros already! At first we were using Sam’s basement, but his Santa Fe’s tone gets all muddled down there with the drywall. Plus his mom says she needs it to ‘get away’ during the day, whatever that means. So we moved to the garage, and man, major upgrade. I can’t wait until we’re playing bars one day, and then, onto the theaters, arenas, colosseums, and even those venues where you get your own sound guy! We’re gonna sound even better, just you wait. This is only the beginning.”
Neighbors up and down the block are already painfully clued into the fact that the garage will be the absolute pinnacle of the band’s trajectory, but nobody has the heart to tell them.
“Oh, they’re serious about trying to book public gigs? Like, for people outside of the neighborhood? I mean, okay. I wish them luck, is all I can say,” offered neighbor Lauren Loplin. “Personally, I don’t think there’s a bar or club in town that could make them sound much better than they do right now, I’ll just put it that way. If I were them, I’d book a full-blown garage tour of the US. I’m talking two-car garages, attached garages, and garages filled with John Deere equipment. It’s the only way they’ll succeed.”
Keith McMasters, renowned music historian and critic, offered his thoughts on the band’s current setup.
“You know, it might seem humble at first glance, but you should never underestimate the power of the mighty garage,” said McMasters. “It’s played a part in the history of many great bands throughout the years. So many folks get all bogged down in the details, they wanna get into recording studios, arena. But you wanna know the truth? It don’t matter if you ever get to Madison Square Garden. Even if you do, you’ll never get that same resonance as the soundwaves of the electric guitar reverberating through the garden tools in the corner of a nice garage.”
At press time, neighborhood kids were observed banging their heads to the Wet Tongues’ playing, while their parents put in earplugs and shut their doors.
