ONTARIO, Canada — Canadian rock musician Bryan Adams re-recorded his hit song “Summer of ‘69” as “Summer of ‘67” in an attempt to reach younger audiences, cringing sources confirmed.
“I updated the lyrics entirely. For instance, it starts out: ‘I got my first Reels, sick meme/Yeah, that sigma rizz grindset/Hit the griddy with Kai Cenat/Was the summer of six-seven,’” said Adams, noting that he watched a lot of “Skibidi Toilet” for inspiration. “I had it made for years with ‘Summer.’ 69 was a multigenerational funny number, with a dirty double meaning. Just between you and me, I didn’t write about the summer of 1969. But, the other day, I heard that people have moved on. There’s this new number on the scene. 67, six-seven, or something. The kids don’t care about 69 anymore. Seems like ol’ Bryan had to get with the times. I headed to the studio with some new lyrics I commissioned from my daughter’s boyfriend’s younger brother. The song’s gonna go platinum again, I just know it.”
Adams’ nephew, 16-year-old Callum Stevenson, can’t believe his uncle stooped so low to find new fans.
“I never thought Uncle Bryan would reach ‘unc’ status, but, ugh,” Stevenson sighed. “He sent a voice memo when me and some guys from school were out hooping. He was all ‘Hey man, check these dope new lyrics!’ and started singing. I mean, shit, does he really think making the chorus about Mr. Beast and Fortnite, like, improve the song? I don’t know how the fuck he knows who Kai Cenat is, but bruh, you write music for, like, Viagra commercials. That’s your audience. No one wants to hear this. Not kids. Not 67-year-olds. No one. He just killed the fucking meme.”
Adams’ manager, Jordan Constance, thinks the career of his boss will get some much-needed life from the re-write.
“We’re already blowing up on TikTok with ‘Summer of ‘67.’ Over 500 likes!” Constance enthused. “Yeah, we’ve been getting a few comments that seem negative—things like ‘holy chopped,’ that loudly crying face emoji, and some not so veiled racist remarks—but we all know that more people talking is never a bad thing. And now we sit back and wait for middle school kids to start buying up Bryan Adams cassettes again.”
At press time, Adams’ management told him to re-record the song again, this time as “Summer of ‘88” and with lyrics pandering to the MAGA crowd.
