LONGVIEW, Wash — High school metal band DeathRot added the word OFFICIAL to all of their social media handles in order to prevent fradulent accounts…
RENO, Nev. – Local doom metal darlings Swamp Creatures released their new signature coffee beans to let their fans they’re absolutely done making good music,…
OSLO, Norway — Members of the black metal band Flesheating Cadaver are reportedly entirely unaware that they have accidentally chosen a death metal name, vicariously…
HELL — Ruler of the underworld and Dark Lord Satan admitted that even after all these years, he is still flattered whenever he hears a…
DETROIT — Crowd members attending a show headline by doom metal band Wretched Wizard questioned the band’s authenticity when they noticed their lack of long…
NEW YORK — Extreme Nordic black metal band Virus Ritual celebrated a successful run of U.S. tour dates with the ceremonial dumping of goat’s blood…
LOS ANGELES — The Game Show Network canceled the metal-and-pyro-themed “Win Rammstein’s Money” after the set burned to the ground for the fourth time this…
GRAND CAYMAN, Cayman Islands — Disgraced actor Armie Hammer reportedly walked out of a Cannibal Corpse performance moments before the death metal icons introduced their…
NARBERTH, Pa. — Local thrash metal outfit Gore Primordial hastily threw together an impromptu photo shoot when it was discovered a destructive house fire had…
LOS ANGELES — Megadeth frontman, and only remaining founding member, Dave Mustaine was shocked to discover he was kicked out of his own band by…
SHREVEPORT, La. — Local metal band Sinister Dissonance warned their guitarist Henry Derrickson that he’ll go blind if he doesn’t stop playing so many solos,…
RICHMOND, Va. — Shock rockers GWAR admitted recently that despite decades of dousing their fans in bodily fluids, none of it compares to Dave Matthews…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — New father Gareth Desmond began to question his wife’s fidelity after she gave birth to a baby in full corpse paint which…
STERLING, N.Y. — Local metalhead Johnathan Riccitiello admittedly received more recognition for serving turkey legs at the local Renaissance Faire than for his time in…
MESA, Ariz. — Black metal band Christrot took a band promo photo in what is obviously a restaurant storage cooler in order to emulate the…