LONG BEACH, Calif. — Local man Will Murphy was reportedly kicked out of Joyce Manor’s hometown show when he refused to smoke a cigarette with every other member of the crowd, sources with constant headaches confirmed.
“I thought I could stay under the radar by hiding behind everyone else’s smoke clouds, but security saw right through me when I was the only one not holding up a lighter halfway into the set,” Murphy said upon returning to his car and changing his sweatshirt to something that doesn’t stink like stale smoke. “The people around me went from nodding and drinking beer to shaking their heads at me disapprovingly. Some of them even threw cans at me as I was lightly pushed out of the crowd, I’ve never seen people get this worked up. I’ll never be the same again.”
Longtime Joyce Manor fan Victoria Davis explained how outsiders are often unfamiliar with the time-honored tradition of smoking during the band’s performances.
“I’ll admit I could’ve been ejected from the Joyce Manor crowd when I lost my Newports before seeing them open for Modern Baseball in 2016, but even my younger, dumber self never forgot to bring a lighter,” Davis said while blowing smoke rings by the merch table. “Actually kicking non-smokers out is typically a last resort that only happens after posers turn down our offers to let them bum a cig. Trust me, I can smell posers, and not just because they’re the only ones wearing scented deodorant.”
Despite Murphy’s lack of etiquette, Joyce Manor frontman Barry Johnson appreciated other fans’ commitment to smoking at shows.
“Smoking at a Joyce Manor show is like drinking water during a long bike ride. It’s what you’re supposed to do,” Johnson told fans following Murphy’s removal from the venue. “It also helps my bandmates and I save time and money on fog machines for the stage. When I see the occasional audience member wave their phone instead of a lighter or stand around empty-handed while everyone else has a beer in one hand and an American Spirit in the other, it makes me want to puke. These ‘fans’ have no place at our show. People tell us they would give their lives for our music. The least they could do is sacrifice a bit of their lung capacities.”
At press time, Murphy was denied re-entry into the show after returning with a vape.
Photo by James Knapp.