POMONA, Calif. — Local kid Garrett Dehaven is buying a Misfits shirt in an attempt to fit in with his peers, which he confirmed during a visit to local record store Vinyl Meningitis.
“This is really going to revolutionize my closet and social life,” Dehaven expressed while combing through records he had no intention of buying. “My homie Scott has a Misfits hoodie and it’s pretty badass, so I’m stoked when I found the shirt in here the other day. Though I have to be honest, I don’t really know what the Misfits is. I assume it’s a movie because my classmates always mention werewolves and demons when referring to them. Is it in the MCU? Anyway, I’m excited to check out the Misfits film after I purchase this tee. It better be streaming on Netflix.”
Dehaven’s friend Scott Parkson admitted that his Misfits shirt is one of his all-time favorites.
“I think I found this shirt like five years ago at the mall dumpster,” Scott said while tying a shoe. “It’s one of those classic brands that have staying power. Misfits, Adidas, Social Distortion and Supreme have been making sick clothing for like decades now and I really dig that retro vibe. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on the Misfits shirt from girls which is pretty sick, but oddly enough I also get compliments from some of the fattest dudes I’ve ever seen, which makes me think they possibly started as like a pizza joint or something? I’m not really sure.”
The clerk at Vinyl Meningitis, 40-year-old Leo Alvarez, said that this kind of thing happens all the time.
“80% of our sales come from kids trying to be accepted by others,” Alvarez said while pricing out an original pressing of the Guns N’ Roses spaghetti album. “Kids come in and buy band merch before really knowing the music because they think the shirt looks cool or they saw one of their friends wearing one. I was definitely guilty of it when I was younger. But you can be one of those ‘Name five songs’ dickheads or you just can just shut the fuck up and let young dumbasses be just that. It’s not really a big deal. I have three band shirts in my closet right now that I could tell you dick about. For real. Has anyone even heard of Black Flag? I sure as shit haven’t.”
At press time, Dehaven had to run home and ask his mom for more money after finding out the shirt was $75.
