BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — Legendary hardcore band Hatebreed were spotted congregating around their very own fiery band logo to kick back and roast marshmallows in a rare, leisurely moment for the typically abrasive group, several heavily tattooed sources report.
“Obviously, we have the most iconic, tough, and memorable logo in all of hardcore history, but very few people know it also provides us with a reliable source of heat,” explained a bundled-up Jamey Jasta, longtime singer for the band. “It’s kept us warm many times while on tour, especially whenever we’d play those cold abandoned warehouse DIY shows. But most of all, we like to all sit around with bands like Madball and swap old scene stories while cooking up some s’mores. You haven’t had a s’more until it’s been cooked over a 25-year-old band logo.”
Hatebreed fan Angela Lopez found it odd that one of her favorite beatdown hardcore bands was spotted doing such a wholesome activity.
“Hatebreed had just played a killer set, and as I was leaving the show, I noticed quite a bit of smoke coming from the parking lot,” Lopez explained as she was receiving another crew-inspired chest tattoo. “That’s when I noticed what looked like Hatebreed themselves gathered around their logo in some sort of alpha male tough guy kumbaya. I didn’t want to bother them, so I just walked by minding my own business while they played an acoustic version of ‘Destroy Everything.’”
Local county fire marshal William Rogers used his 25+ years of experience to warn others about combustible music trademarks.
“Sure, band logos engulfed in flames look cool and really set the tone for what kind of band you’re in for, but a lot of people lose sight of the potential hazards they can pose,” Rogers stated. “In one instance, the Offspring were sitting around their fiery skull logo roasting some weenies when the wind blew the flames damaging the ‘Cingular Wireless Stage’ at a Warped Tour. It’s always important to remain cautious around dangerous logos like these, which in some cases, can be more detrimental to your health than the band members themselves.”
At press time, Jasta and the rest of Hatebreed were seen frantically putting out a fire on the Madball mascot caused by their irresponsibly unattended logo.