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Hardcore Frontman’s Date Ends Abruptly After 6th “How the Fuck Are We Feeling Tonight?” in 20 Minutes

GREAT NECK, N.Y. — Straight edge hardcore vocalist Brody Meenan’s date last night came to an unceremonious end after several unsuccessful attempts to connect with his audience, nervous onlookers at P.F. Chang’s confirmed.

“He wouldn’t stop asking if I was ‘still with him out there,’” recalled date Tara Riter. “It was almost inhuman — like he was reading a script, instead of genuinely interacting with another human being. I tried to remind him that, no, I’m not ‘with him,’ whatever that means… but his eyes looked so vacant. So sad. I don’t think he even grasped where he was.”

The 42-year-old, thrice-divorced Meenan allegedly alienated his date as their waitress arrived to take their order.

“Before I go into this next one, I just want to say it’s fucked up what Catholic priests are doing to our kids,” the Equinox Calamity frontman yelled when asked what he’d like to drink. “It ain’t right. I’ll have a water, and let’s open up a crispy bean appetizer for the table, O.K.?”

Bartender Brian Gianadda recalled the silence that immediately fell upon the bewildered dining room.

“I mean, he’s not wrong… but, it’s like, so obvious that it’s hardly a stance. Who is going to argue with that?” Gianadda said. “I don’t know. He looked around like he was expecting uproarious applause or something, but when no one made a sound, he thanked his date for ‘coming out tonight’ and told her there was merchandise at the front door. Which there isn’t.”

“I wonder if I should have called for a paramedic or something. I hope he’s OK,” he added.

According to Riter, the final straw came when the pair was left alone for what would be the last time.

“As soon as the waitress dropped off our entrees, he asked me, ‘How the fuck we feeling tonight?’ for at least the sixth time in, like, 20 minutes. It was too much,” she said. “I left as he started ranting about how he ‘…wouldn’t even be there if it wasn’t for me,’ and ‘how much he appreciates my support.’ I don’t think he even noticed I was gone.”

When reached for comment, Meenan suggested everyone “come check him out” on his upcoming regional Bumble dates, before he two-stepped for an inordinate amount of time.

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