FAIRFAX, Va. — Local aging punk Blake Feinstein credits the cover art for Blink-182’s “Enema of the State” as being the only reason he remembers to get regular colonoscopies, sources close to the colon confirmed.
“I never schedule my colonoscopy ahead of time. After every one, they ask if I want to schedule my next since I have a history of colon cancer in my family, and I say no because my system works. I wouldn’t leave it up to chance,” said Feinstein. “I don’t know what I’d do without the ‘Enema of the State’ nurse lady. The album inevitably makes it back into my rotation right on schedule and her menacing gloved hand is all I need. The last time I went, one of the nurses almost kind of looked like her too. Can’t wait to get my next one.”
Stanley Klein, a gastroenterologist at Inova Fairfax, shared findings that indicate this colonoscopy scheduling technique may be more common than previously thought.
“Thanks to online portals, we’re able to run more surveys than ever and it’s easy to gather data on how people found us and things like that,” said Klein. “In the past couple years, our practice has found that many people are selecting the ‘Other: Blink-182 cover art’ option in the ‘What made you schedule this appointment?’ section of our post-appointment questionnaire. It’s accounted for up to 75% of procedures, recently. In fact, thanks to Blink-182, all of our rectal exam procedures have been non-stop.”
Colon health advocacy and outreach groups are taking advantage of these findings, Quentin Smyth of the “Get Tubes Up Butts” group confirmed.
“When it comes to preventative health and cancer screenings, it’s important to use every tool at our disposal to get the public informed and interested,” said Smyth. “We must embrace this and further harness the power of the scary yet incredibly hot nurse on the ‘Enema of the State’ album. May she terrify and arouse us all into getting our colons screened regularly. We cannot underestimate this form of outreach when it comes to reaching in there. Get your butts checked, people!”
At press time, the NIH is reportedly looking into this phenomenon and researching whether the cover art for “The Velvet Underground & Nico” can get people to take potassium intake more seriously.