5. Still, Everything Was Going Fine… Until the Apes Took Over
Despite all of the embezzlement, bear attacks, robotic assassinations and the final destruction of the label’s assets by tortured souls, Lookout! was miraculously still doing just fine. But there was one disaster that the label, much like the rest of the human race, could not avoid. Those damn, dirty apes! After the California ape uprising of 2007 it was only a matter of time before the label eventually folded. The Banana Wars ended in a decisive ape victory, and saw Livermore replaced as head of the label by a bonobo named Jojo. Poor business decisions mixed with Jojo’s acerbic management style led to the collapse of Lookout, just as human society as a whole collapsed all around it. Instead of an established currency he insisted on charging “one masturbation” for most purchases – and the label, though sexually entertained, fell deeply into debt. Additionally, Jojo was a dickhead to artists and employees, often provoking the office bears to violence and ruining numerous later recording sessions through the accompanying screaming they caused. And now nearly all records of the label’s rise and fall are lost in the Forbidden Zone, while our ape overlords continually indoctrinate us that Epitaph has always been the only independent label that was ever worthwhile. It’s a madhouse! A madhouse!!!