The Dancing Baby (Baby Ramone)
The Ramones were never one to shy away from capitalizing on the latest trend for short-term gains. That’s why they enlisted the Dancing Baby to help their commercial appeal in the late ’90s. Their plan didn’t pay off, however, as the early viral video hadn’t yet made its way to middle America and the audience had no idea why the Ramones had a weird digital baby dancing on stage.
Mac Tonight (Big Mac Ramone)
With a history of writing business names into lyrics with the hopes of making it into a commercial (Burger King, 7-11), it’s only natural that the Ramones would try and get it on some of that sweet, sweet McDonald’s money. They chose to go with Mac Tonight, aka the creepy moon man from McDonald’s advertising campaigns. As if the moon man wasn’t scary enough on his own, once he started singing the murder ballad “Mack the Knife” audiences ran for the exits, thus ending the Ramones brief partnership with McDonald’s.
Jan Brady (Janny Ramone)
After The Brady Bunch went off the air, angsty median daughter Jan Brady got heavily into punk rock. She even found herself in some of the same circles as the Ramones, and eventually became the band’s most reliable glue dealer and was asked to play clarinet during live shows. Regrettably, Johnny and Marky Ramone were playing catch in the hallway before her first show, and Jan’s nose was shattered by a stray ball before she had the chance to perform.
Nancy Reagan (Nancy Ramone)
The only thing Johnny Ramone loved more than being in the Ramones was being a staunch Republican. This led to Ramone inviting Nancy Reagan onstage for a cover of “Surfin’ Bird” by the Trashmen. The performance was cut short, however, as she couldn’t remember the lyrics despite the fact that the song has less than 10 real words in its entirety.
Klaus Nomi (Klaus Ramone)
Joey Ramone recruited Klaus Nomi to sing backup vocals for the Ramones after seeing Nomi back up David Bowie on Saturday Night Live. Having said that, Nomi’s time in the Ramones was cut short after a particularly high-pitched note shattered Joey’s glasses and temporarily blinded him. Not only that, they had a hard time locating a leather jacket in the shape of a big puffy triangle.
Max Headroom (Maxxy Ramone)
Max Headroom rehearsed with the Ramones for several weeks, vying to replace the departing Dee Dee Ramone on bass. The band didn’t mind that Headroom frequently experienced jarring glitches, but he was eventually let go for refusing to replace his plastic slicked-backed blonde hair with a plastic Ramones-style mop top.
Henry “The Fonz” Winkler (Fonzie Ramone)
Henry “The Fonz” Winkler took the world by storm in the 1970s with his slicked back hair, trademark motorcycle, and for making dropping out of high school cool again. So when the Ramones first hit it big, one of the first things they did was bring in Winkler to play some shows with them. The plan hit a snag when the Ramones had a hard time separating the character of the Fonz from Winkler, and after it was explained to them that the Fonz was not a real person, the Ramones lost interest altogether.
Kira Roessler (Kira Ramone)
Kira Roessler was the best bass player Black Flag ever had, bringing infectious, hard-hitting bass lines that elevated the band’s sound several times over. The Ramones, simultaneously, were looking for new members to try and revitalize the band. They brought Roessler in for a few shows, but they realized that she was too good for them and decided to let her go. Roessler agreed, and she left punk altogether. She would eventually go on to win Oscars and Emmys for editing dialogue in pictures and movies, which is neat.
Christine (Chrissy Ramone)
The Ramones purchased the car used to film 1983’s “Christine” after it became available at a police auction. However, the band only had the car for a few days before it pinned drummer Richie Ramone against a brick wall, instantly crushing his legs. The Ramones wrote off both Christine and Richie Ramone shortly thereafter and agreed to never speak of either one again.
Pablo Escobar (Pablo Ramone)
Obviously the Ramones were friends with drugpin extraordinaire Pablo Escobar, especially Dee Dee. One night they were in the middle of a month-long bender when Escobar suggested he should play bass for the Ramones. Escobar was shockingly good in the handful of shows he played, but alas, he had to return to his first love: amassing more money than God by making it rain cocaine across the entire planet.
Kevin Nealon (Kevin Ramone)
Inspired by Joey Ramone’s Howard Stern switcheroo, Marky Ramone attempted to perform the same trick by installing Kevin Nealon behind the drum kit. However, Nealon spent the majority of the set trying to set up far-fetched bits that the band saw coming a mile away.
Susan Sarandon (Susie Ramone)
Sarandon and the Ramones were both from Queens, New York, and would often see each other at parties and other social functions. She agreed to join Joey onstage for a benefit raising money for a local stickball league. Sadly though, they got into a huge argument over how Forest Hills, Queens was way better than Jackson Heights, Queens, and Sarandon stormed out of the building before playing the set.
Jane Fonda (Jane Ramone)
Part of Jane Fonda’s campaign to help end the Vietnam War saw her bring the Ramones to Hanoi through the U.S.O. Fonda was to emcee the Ramones set, and even play a few songs with them, however Marky and Dee Ramones went M.I.A. hours after arriving in-country. After a complex rescue expedition was drawn up, the duo eventually would be found stoned out of their gourds in an army-sanctioned opium den about 30 clicks up the Ho Chi Min Trail.
Uncle Fester (Fessie Ramone)
Uncle Fester’s time in the Ramones was strictly a money-saving endeavor. Despite being one of the most recognizable bands in the world, they were always looking to cut costs wherever they could. So when they heard that they could plug their amps directly into Uncle Fester himself, he was immediately hired for his ability to save on electricity bills alone.
The Roadrunner (Roadie Ramone)
Marky Ramone sprained his wrist in 1986, an injury that nearly put the Animal Boy world tour in jeopardy. Luckily, Marky had the idea to have someone operate his kit’s hi-hat symbol while he worked the rest of the drums. The only auditioner that could keep up with the Ramone’s blistering 180 bpm for the entirety of a set was the Roadrunner. Things were going well enough for a while, until Wile E. Coyote placed an explosive piano onstage in hopes of finally nabbing the Roadrunner, his lifelong nemesis. Unfortunately Joey Ramone couldn’t help but stop and play “Chopsticks” on the piano, and was subsequently injured by the ensuing explosion.
Audrey Griswold
Audrey Griswold’s spell in the Ramones was a brief one. She joined the band for two months, though it was clear that all Griswold wanted was to go on dates with every member of the Ramones. She finally agreed to leave only after procuring the names and phone numbers of all the Ramones’ single friends.
Phoebe Buffay
By the end of their careers the Ramones were more desperate than ever for mainstream crossovers. They had one planned with “Friends” star and Greenwich Village coffeehouse staple Phoebe Buffay to attract attention to the band. The audience in attendance that night was perplexed as to why the blonde lady from “Friends’ was on stage, and the planned Ramones appearance on “Friends” was soon shelved.