In our increasingly tech-driven society it seems like more and more new startup products and services are bursting onto the market everyday.
At the forefront of every successful startup is an inspiring story of perseverance, hard work, and tacit acceptance of capitalism and hierarchical rule.
Here are five inspiring tech entrepreneurs who will be hanged in the revolution:
Clifton Grayer, Fishr
Grayer is the founder of the groundbreaking app Fishr, the social networking site that connects people to aquatic life they may find attractive. How inspiring! Critics are already clamoring over this app and its inventive creator, however, those critics gloss over one fact: Clifton Grayer is an enemy of the revolution. His incredible work matching fish with zooerasts is inspiring, but is a distant second to the fact that he is an active capitalist and will need to go.
Trish Rainbow, Dildork
Rainbow is likely the furthest along in her career of the young entrepreneurs populating this list, having began her career at Google before founding the feminist-focused dildo review behemoth Dildork. She is an inspiration for young, sex-positive female entrepreneurs the world over, and a slave-master over a society which never consented to capitalism. OFF WITH HER HEAD!
Related: I Don’t Vote Because I Believe Radical Political Change is Only Achieved Through Patches
Loyd Jeffers, MVPeeps
There is nothing acceptable about participating in capitalism, especially not if you’re this dickhead. You know what MVPeeps does? They make celebrity peeps. You know, the marshmallow candies from Easter? They put sunglasses on them and shit and call them MVPeeps. People starve and Loyd Jeffers may as well have his boot on their necks.
Kit Cassidy, Gunass
It’s sexy versions of the butts of guns, fucking get it? You’re dead, Kit Cassidy.
Rembrandt Gray, Love Pillow
Okay this one is kinda sick actually — Rembrandt founded a company that will print you a custom body pillow of whomever you want and didn’t even ask for clarifying questions before printing me the perfect Emma Goldman body pillow. This guy can live, I guess.