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We Finally Know What the New Sony Console Will Be Called

TOKYO Years of speculation by fans and industry insiders alike were put to rest today as Sony finally revealed the name of their new next-generation gaming console during a showcase earlier today. 

Rumors have been circulating since shortly after the release of the PlayStation 4 concerning how Sony would follow up the hugely popular system, with many obvious choices such as Super PlayStation 4, PlayStation 4-2, and The Sony GameMan all being heavily touted as likely candidates. However, all of those were put to bed with today’s unexpected bombshell announcement: the console will be called the Play Station Five.

“We considered a variety of names,” said Carly Todd, a representative from Sony. “PS Extreme, The Sony Bobcat, and the PSPXL were all heavily considered at different points. Ultimately, we decided to pay tribute to the speed and performance of this new console by making its name an homage to the Mach Five, Speed Racer’s infamous car, known for winning races and having a lot of tricks up its sleeve.”

The announcement sent immediate shockwaves through the gaming community

“How in the fuck am I supposed to remember that?” said Darius Rhodes, a livid gamer who insisted we describe him as such. “Why the hell would they name it after some dumbass cartoon that is fifty years old? Man, they could really take a page from Microsoft and clearly label which model and uh, series, their systems are. Maybe they’ll learn from their huge mistake the next time around.”

 

At this point, no other details about the Play Station Five have been announced.

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