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Microsoft Adds Split-Screen Couch Co-Op to New Version of Excel

REDMOND, Wash. — 33 years after the initial release of the spreadsheet program Excel, Microsoft has announced that they are adding couch co-op gameplay for fans within the still-vital community.

“Plug in a second keyboard to your computer and enjoy, for the first time ever, couch co-op Microsoft Excel,” said Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella at a livestreamed press conference. “You can v-lookup while your friend creates a graph, you can format tables while your spouse writes a macro, or you can just let two players go hog-wild on different calculations within the same sheet. The possibilities are endless and we’re excited to see what our eager fans cook up with these new features.”

Despite the significant patch to the new, many fans are still upset about the state of the program.

“Big deal. Smash Bros lets you have eight players at a time in local play,” said Redditor u/microsoft_excelsior. “I’m a diehard Excel fan and I always will be, but they really need to bring the spreadsheet into the modern era. I’m talking online co-op mode, online versus mode, and customizable RPG elements. I’ve been playing Excel for over three decades and I still can’t edit my character at all?! Come the fuck on!”

At press time, Microsoft announced they were also adding VR support to PowerPoint.

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