The internet is ablaze with a forest fire of admiration for House House’s Untitled Goose Game, and rightfully so. The game is a positively delightful troublemaking romp through a quaint fictional town and the game deserves its success.
It also deserves a title.
I’m sure millions of you out there think it is “cute” or “charming” or “wacky” to name a game Untitled, but it’s actually dangerously lazy and an incredible act of hubris. This isn’t a high school creative writing class, this is real goddamn life, and so I am going to do what you cowards never had the guts to do: I will title the Goose Game.
Let’s get the easy ones out of the way: The Goose is Loose. Some like it Honk. Duck Duck Goose. Freebird. Take a Gander. Wild Goose Chase. Giving Them The Bird. Gaggle. Big Honkers. Flock Yourself.
Wow. That was easy, everyone. I could do this all freaking day. Took me 30 seconds to spit out that list. Here’s another one: We’re Going Down. Geese have down, get it? Boom. Okay that one kinda sucks, but it’s still more effort than House House put into their title (which I remind you is not a title!!).
I am a titling machine that cannot be stopped. I am like a huge boulder that you pushed off of a hill, and even though you regret pushing off the boulder and are screaming “no boulder, stop!! come back!!” I can’t stop because I’m a fucking boulder. But for titling the Goose Game. Fuck off.
How about some more subtle ones: Goose Simulator. A Goose In A Village. Honk: A Goose Odyssey. Time To Be A Goose. The Rude Bird. Goose: The Game.
Wow I am a big dumb idiot and I can still title the Goose Game. Look at that! How about this rude goose keeps its victims inside the game, instead of racking us with the pain of playing an untitled product?!
You know what, fuck it: we’re just gonna call it “Goose.” That’s it. Was that so hard?
Fuck.
