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Father Ignoring His Children to Play New Dad Simulator

DALLAS — Local father John Daniels has been ignoring his daughter Brienne, 6, and son Charlie, 12, for the past six weeks in order to play the new dad simulator Father’s Domain, Daniels and his children confirm.

“This game is incredible. It feels like I’m an actual dad,” said Daniels. “Right now I’m doing an escort mission where I take my kids out for ice cream, which can be boring, but it’s worth it to see my kids’ happiness levels go up.” 

While Daniels maneuvered the on-screen reticle and pressed “X” to buy ice cream, his daughter Brienne finished a macaroni portrait of her family being eaten by a giant computer.

“Fatherhood involves a lot of sleepless nights, diaper changes, and boring PTA meetings, but I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Daniels said while playing the Tuck the Children in mini-game. “I’d do anything to get my kids to level 75.”

After successfully putting his in-game children to bed, Daniels received a loot box, which burst onto the screen and gifted him a legendary baseball mitt.

“I guess the game is really important to Dad,” said Charlie, watching his father wake up his digital children with kisses on each of their foreheads. “He missed my walk-off home run last week because he and some other dads formed a party to complete the hardware store raid.”

As of press time, Daniels said he was excited to have even more time to play his dad sim after he was fired from his job for spending too much time in the bathroom playing Work Simulator: Office Guy 3 on his phone.

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