CARSON CITY, Nev. — Local quarantined woman Laura Lamont found a creative way to stay busy indoors yesterday by repurposing a bunch of broken glass from a broken window into a jigsaw puzzle, according to frustrated sources.
“Yeah… we don’t have the internet here, so I couldn’t just order one like a celebrity or something. Then I noticed a bunch of glass on the floor by the window. It’s crazy that someone is smashing windows at a time like this,” Lamont said, while wiping off her bloody hands with a T-shirt picked up off the floor. “I’ve been trying to look out the hole where the window was to see how it fits together, but boy, are puzzles hard without a picture on the box. And it’s way harder when you don’t know how many pieces it has. How many does a standard puzzle have? Like, 20?”
Fellow housemate Danny Bello disagreed about the smashed glass.
“That window got knocked out like, four months ago. The only reason Laura even noticed is because we’ve been stuck in here and she finally got so bored she was forced to look out the window,” Bello stated. “Honestly, if it keeps her from ‘writing melodies’ on her drum kit then I’m all for ‘puzzles.’ Joke’s on her, though: I already swept up like, half the broken glass. I mean, I’m bored too, so watching her go crazy over this should be fun… and I’ve already spent hours looking for a new place to live.”
Neighbors on the block hope this is a turning point for the house’s residents, who have been driving down property values for years.
“They’re always having wild parties over there. I remember that window broke a few months back because some bald vagrant stuck his boot through it while he was singing. Of course, I don’t consider it singing,” neighbor Norma Porticcini explained. “I will say, though, as a fellow puzzler, it’s nice to hear she has found a wholesome hobby. Perhaps when I’m allowed outside again, I can teach her knitting.”
Lamont was later seen turning old beer cans and pizza boxes into a face shield and gloves.