SACRAMENTO, Calif. — An “out of order” sign in a public restroom didn’t stand a chance against local libertarian Royce LeFarge, confirmed sources who were scared to follow suit.
“I am unshackled from the chains of serfdom and lavatory signage,” said LeFarge, chapter house president for the Sacramento Free People’s Alliance. “We, the Free People of California grow weary, and the urinal’s ‘out of order’ sign is the latest slight in a long series of social humiliations brought about by a corrupt bureaucracy. The sign itself is just an object, one that has no bearing on my reality. It cannot restrict my individualist volition. I saw it, read it, and comprehended its worth, but ultimately the urinary free-market decided. Sure, I got a little splashback and there was no soap in the dispenser, but such is the reward of a true hero.”
Public bathroom enjoyer Randy Alderman provided a first-hand account of this stunning display of rugged individualism.
“It felt like something out of an 800-page Ayn Rand novel,” Alderman said. “So there I was, doing whippets and fighting with the man in the shatter-proof mirror when this Royce character comes in. You see, this is the only public bathroom in the vicinity that isn’t locked after 5:00 PM, so we gotta make-do. And boy do we. He took one look at the sign and shook his head, dropped his pants all the way to the ankles, and well the rest is history. You know, we’re all indebted to act in accordance to a social contract, but when the contract itself is voided it’s really up to the common man to make a difference. I believe Royce is that difference.”
Dr. Julia Franz, Professor of Objectivism and Randian historian at California State University, weighed in on this development.
“Rationality is the most essential determinant of moral self-worth,” said Dr. Franz. “What Mr. Royce has achieved here is more than just a public performance, his actions embody the very struggles that all true Randian heroes feel in the face of an amoral established order. This phallocentric self-interest is the basis of his moral rationality. It’s all astonishingly noble, and people will be talking about this for a long time. Should he leave politics behind, I believe Mr. Royce has a promising future in architecture.”
At press time, LeFarge was seen putting his hands all over a nearby wall because it had a “wet paint” sign meant to deter onlookers from touching.
